From time to time, we all have to have a difficult conversation with someone. This can be a resolution of a conflict with a boss, clarification of relations with relatives, with a loved one. How to prepare for such a conversation in order to conduct it as constructively as possible?
Is it possible to determine in advance the outcome of a difficult conversation
During the competitions of warriors who owned the techniques of martial arts, sometimes unusual cases occurred. Experienced warriors stood in front of each other, and after a while one of them announced his defeat. At the same time, the battle itself was not carried out. The essence of this fight is that experienced masters, with the help of their intuition, can understand in advance whose potential is higher and who will win in the event of a fight. And if this is understandable, then why waste energy when they can be directed to further improvement and training.
A difficult conversation is much like a fight like this. If you look from the outside at a difficult conversation with someone, in many cases you can predict the result in advance. However, if we ourselves are participants in this event, then usually we do not understand not only the outcome, but also other nuances of the negotiations being prepared. Can you learn to use your intuition the way the masters of martial arts did?
There is a way not only to see in advance the most likely outcome of a difficult conversation, but also to outline different strategies, depending on which one can become the most constructive.
Look at the situation as it would happen
It will take you some time. Imagine the situation from the outside, as if you are an outside observer. You can imagine yourself and the person with whom you have a difficult conversation at arm's length. Sometimes in such cases, psychologists put two chairs and ask you to introduce someone to them. Tune in to this situation and look at yourself and the other interlocutor for a while.
Already at this stage, you can better understand what everyone expects from the conversation, how they will behave, what strategies to use. You can answer these questions. It will also be helpful to jot down these responses.
Now, while continuing to observe both negotiators, look at the communication situation itself. Imagine how this communication would begin so that you could say so that your interlocutor could answer.
At first it may seem like just a game of imagination. But, if you have tuned in to this situation, your intuition will suggest through your imagination how the other person is likely to really react to any of your suggestions or comments.
For example, you need to resolve a conflict. Observing yourself and your interlocutor from the side, imagine that you are making some kind of proposal and looking at it. Ask the question, how would he react to this. You will definitely get a response or even see in your imagination his intended reaction. Does he agree? Does he have any objections?
It is our intuition that plays a role here. Can we get a feel for how the event will potentially develop? Here it is important to distance yourself from your hopes, fears and worries and just listen to yourself impartially.
Sometimes we may not see or feel the answer. Then you need to ask, and if I knew how he would react, what would it be like?
With some practice, you can learn to be so observant of your intuition that you can easily anticipate the progress of a difficult conversation and even track which offers will be accepted and which will not.
How to choose the best strategy for building dialogue
Suppose you looked at the upcoming situation of a difficult conversation with someone and felt that most likely you will not come to a constructive decision or all suggestions will be taken rather critically.
First you need to understand that even this information is very useful. This means that you already know that with the current state of affairs, you will not be able to constructively solve the problem, and you will not harbor vain illusions.
If you've trained enough to trust your feelings, this may be a reason to reschedule the meeting or look for other approaches that are more constructive.
Then you can reconsider the situation, understand what can be changed and outline several solutions that will help you find a way out. You can also check their effectiveness by looking at the communication situation and go to a difficult conversation more prepared.
This method can be used in many situations. After all, it can be useful to review the outcome of a difficult conversation and outline more constructive solutions when resolving conflicts at work and when having difficulties with a loved one. Observation and the ability to listen to your intuition are important.
