Robert Waldinger in his TED talk, What Does It Take to Live a Happy Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness”talked about what makes our lives happy and our health strong.
Most of today's young people aspire to wealth and celebrity. In society, a stereotype has developed: to be happy, you need to work long and hard. In the Harvard study, led by Robert Waldinger, scientists tracked people from adolescence to old age. The aim of the study was to understand what exactly makes people healthy and happy.
The Harvard Study on Adult Development is the longest-running study on life. For 75 years, scientists have observed the life of 724 men, asked them questions about work, personal life, health. We talked with them, their children and wives. We studied the history of the disease, did medical tests. Currently, about 60 people out of 724 are still alive and participating in the project, most of them are over 90 years old. All the men who took part in the study had a different fate. Someone rose up from the very bottom, and someone on the contrary - from a Harvard student turned into an alcoholic or a mentally ill person.
The lessons scientists have learned from this study are not about wealth, not fame, or hard work. After 75 years of research, it has become abundantly clear that good relationships make us happier and healthier.
Scientists have made three main findings about relationships and their role in our lives.
- Connecting with people is very important, while loneliness kills. People who are closely related to family, friends, colleagues live longer. Their lives are happier and healthier. In contrast, people who feel isolated feel less happy, their health deteriorates earlier, and they live shorter lives.
- It is not the number of contacts and the presence of a permanent partner in life that is important. The quality of the close relationship is important. Life in a state of constant conflict, in anticipation of betrayal, in jealousy can be more dangerous for our happiness and health than divorce. Living in a mental break protects us. When the study participants were 80 years old, scientists studied what they said about their relationship when they were 50 years old. It turned out that the main factor in a happy life was relationship satisfaction. People who are more satisfied with their relationships at 50 are happier and healthier at 80.
- Good relationships protect our brains. A close, trusting relationship with another person protects our memory. People whose relationships do not allow them to rely on each other begin to experience memory problems much earlier.
A good relationship doesn't mean you don't have problems. Friends, spouses, and colleagues can quarrel with each other. But if they can really rely on each other in a difficult situation, fights don't matter. True trust in each other is important.
Thus, for 75 years in the Harvard study, scientists have found confirmation that those people who did not rely on achievements, fame and wealth, but on relationships, lived better.
Spend more time with friends, family, and colleagues. Refresh your relationship. Call relatives with whom you have not spoken for a long time. Do not conceal resentment, irritation, anger - this threatens with a terrible retribution in old age: early memory loss, deterioration in health and a lack of happiness. It must be remembered that a happy life is built on a good relationship.
