Life would be much easier for humanity if a lifelong guarantee was given for mutual and strong love. In fact, relationships are most often built according to the scheme "one loves, and the other allows you to love" …
Instructions
Step 1
It rarely happens that a declaration of love occurs at the same time. Most often, someone is the first to utter an intimate phrase, and from that moment dominance begins. Later, the roles of the leader and the follower may repeatedly change, but the relationship pattern is already predetermined. Whoever got up first got the slippers.
Step 2
With a sufficiently long coexistence, someone is more busy. Joint leisure should be provided with something, which means that someone has to work a little more at home or away from home. More time is spent on work - less is left on love. For psychologically mature people, whose goal is to be happy together, this is not a problem. Well, I worked or worked, but it's “for our sake”. However, this level of maturity, and even in both, is extremely rare. More often it happens that the one on whose shoulders less work falls, to some extent also refuses the responsibility for maintaining the relationship. First, he or she misses the absent partner, then switches attention. A worker's motivation - to do everything for a loved one - is love. The waiting state is the permission to love oneself, surrounded by care and attention. It may seem that such a relationship is parasitic, but in reality, only the most extreme cases can be characterized in this way. Usually everything is simpler, but still the scheme “one loves, the other allows” works.
Step 3
The characteristic primary idealization of the object of love also weakens over time. Deficiencies in appearance and character become more noticeable, and often annoying, especially if life circumstances contribute to this: stress, housing issue, difficulties with self-realization, lack of money, etc. Work on relationships is, first of all, work on oneself, which implies skill share the image of a person with his essence. We have to live with the second. Anyone who does not always strive to see a person in a close person,
Step 4
Gender stereotypes (“socially shared ideas about the personal qualities and behavioral models of men and women, as well as about the gender specificity of social roles”) also contribute to the schematization of relationships. From time immemorial, men have sought, conquered, aspired, and women have languished and waited. These stereotypes are entrenched in early childhood, almost with the first fairy tales, and despite the fact that real life makes some adjustments, women in adulthood prefer to be conquered (allow love), and men are ready for new exploits (love) …
Step 5
And finally, the unification of interests is also one of the reasons that make love unequal. The two love each other, but He prefers to listen to hard rock, and She is a regular at the conservatory. The case is not difficult, because both rock music comes from the classics, and many rock bands have a completely conservative musical level, but still someone will have to adjust, at least sometimes sharing the tastes of a partner. To adjust is to love, to facilitate adjustment is to allow love.
Step 6
Sometimes it is worth thinking about the fact that there is a good way out of the general system and exceptions to the rules. You need to respect each other completely and completely. There is nothing wrong with attending concerts separately or reading different books. Mutual respect will not allow love to be betrayed, and love based on mutual respect will not require itself to be classified and obeyed banal rules.
