The famous writer Saint Exupery said that the greatest luxury for a person is communication. And this is true - it is not for nothing that a serious punishment is placing a criminal in solitary confinement, where he will be isolated from other people.
Very often a person places himself in a similar solitary confinement cell, without communicating with other people, even those close to him. Many put on a kind of armor of silence, hiding their thoughts and feelings behind it. This is a kind of protection from stress, from pain. And it seems that it is right to be silent so as not to cause a conflict.
However, this is not silence - it is silence, which sooner or later will lead to a serious problem in the relationship, because it works like the effect of a non-exploding bomb: everyone is waiting for something about to explode. And yet he continues to be silent, because it is so convenient.
Why are children silent?
In the first years of life up to adolescence, children actively communicate with their parents and peers. They "get" the demands and questions of everyone around. Little why people ask literally everything, teenagers ask about the meaning of life. And often they receive in response either the indifference of tired parents or banal instructions that parents want to impose on the child so that he grows up "positive." Children subtly feel this psychological abuse, which can distort their identity, and become silent. They want to protect themselves from the imposition of someone else's opinion and preserve their individuality.
Why husbands are silent
As a rule, in families, the wife speaks all the time, and the husband is silent: he mutters something in response to her cries and does everything in his own way. Sometimes he recalls that once he and his wife decided everything together, and may ask for advice. But here comes the usual desire for the wife to do everything in her own way, and she uses this moment to advance her vision of the situation. This offends her husband, and he becomes silent again and silently does what he sees fit. Because this silence helps him to preserve his personal space and achieve his goals in the way he sees fit, without being under the pressure of someone else's opinion. He wants to remain independent so as not to become a "henpecked".
Why are the wives silent?
Women do not speak because they want to convey some information - rather, they seek to express feelings, convey their mood, and receive emotional support. Men, on the other hand, perceive information and often do not understand what the wife wants to say by this. They take into account the facts and do not see emotions. Accordingly, they do not provide support. Having stumbled upon such an attitude several times, a woman thinks that she is not understood, therefore it is useless to say anything - she becomes silent. This is protection from resentment that you are not understood.
Why are friends silent
Friends are silent when they want to support. In other cases, silence is a betrayal. You cannot hide facts that are important to him from a friend. You can't gossip about your friend on the way, and then assure her of eternal friendship. And it is very important to learn not only to speak when necessary, but also to listen.
Why are the lovers silent
They may remain silent even if the two love each other. No one dares to come up and confess, because they are afraid of being rejected. Why is it so scary? Perhaps a person likes this very state of "love and suffering" and likes to feel sorry for himself because of it. Perhaps the fear of feeling unworthy because you have been rejected. It is easier to hope that someday the recognition will happen by itself, and everything will be resolved in his favor. In either case, it is fear of leaving the comfort zone - it is fear for oneself.
Silence as unwillingness to take responsibility
This kind of silence can be found in any area of life. A loved one kept silent in response to a directly posed question - this is the protection of oneself. The colleague remained silent, although he could intercede for the innocent, on whom the misconduct of another person is blamed - this is a betrayal. The beloved remained silent when asked something important about him - this is cowardice. In any case, such silence is an indicator of the immaturity of a person's personality. Sooner or later information will appear, and whatever it is, the silent one will lose.
How to disenchant a silent man
In these examples, many probably recognized themselves. Perhaps they managed to put themselves in the place of those who do not want to communicate and in the place of those who live next to the silent.
Now you can answer the question, why did you choose the strategy of silence? Do you understand that this is wrong? Then start talking now. Start with the little things and move on to more global things. There is another way - shock therapy, when you tell your loved one everything that is painful for you and everything that does not suit you in your relationship, in his / her behavior. Tell us how you feel. And get ready to listen to unpleasant things, possibly disastrous and blasphemous. But it will be true, and not deception and gloss over situations. The consequences of any catastrophe are overcome sooner or later, but living in a state of silence is like not living, understand this.
If a close person is in the position of a silent person and you want to "talk" him, you can use the method that parents of autistic children discovered for themselves. They just are constantly nearby and show that they are interested in everything that the child is doing.
This method is also suitable for communicating with silent people. Show that "I see you, I am interested in everything you do, but I respect your right to be silent and patiently wait for you to start communicating with me." From such an attitude, the "shell of silence" will begin to thin out on the sly, and then disappear altogether. The main thing is a little attention and patience, and then the luxury of communication will be your reward.
