There is a fairly fair rule: help people, and they will find a way to help you. But how can one learn to help not to the detriment of oneself and in such a way as to really help a person in distress?
Instructions
Step 1
Be near people, be with them. In fact, this is the most important and most important thing you can do. In moments of grief, it is unlikely that a person will fully understand what you are saying to him, but he will forever remember your presence next to him on these difficult days.
Step 2
Before helping a person, ask them for permission to do this. But ask specifically, for example, "Help with your bags?" or "Sit with your mom while you're at work?" If a person chooses to help someone else, do not be upset, perhaps you can help him a little later.
Step 3
Share grief and tears with the one who is suffering. Don't hide your feelings or try to give a soothing monologue that things aren't so bad. Only by expressing agreement that this situation is extremely difficult, you are sorry, and even, perhaps, you do not know how to help and what to say, you will confirm the person's feelings. He will understand that you sympathize with him sincerely, and, thus, it will become easier for him.
Step 4
Listen to the person. In difficult situations, it is important for people to simply express themselves, say everything that comes to their souls and minds, throw out everything that has accumulated from themselves. Listen carefully, but don't try to insert your comments or corrections. Your task is to help pour out his painful experiences.
Step 5
Accept the person as injured and vulnerable. Allow him to suffer and feel his pain without trying to make the situation more positive. If you do not hinder his tears, the person will understand that you accept him as he is now, he will not feel inadequate and weak.
Step 6
The only thing a person in grief wants is to return what he has lost. Therefore, when offering your help, be realistic and do not tune the castles in the air. Your most important help is to be there, but you are not able to return anything.
Step 7
Make it clear to the person that what he is experiencing at the moment and how he is behaving is normal and does not go beyond some rules of behavior. Therefore, approve of all emotional outbursts of a person, give free rein to his memories.
Step 8
A suffering person can suddenly become rude, irritated, and this can hurt you, because you are helping him so much, and he allows himself to speak rudely to you. But be patient, do not evaluate his behavior as related to your personality. Do not forget that a person is ill, and all his manifestations are caused by his mental illness. Remember yourself, finally, because you can also be harsh with those you love.
Step 9
Help the person adapt to a new life with the changes that the situation has brought. Prepare him, teach him something, but do not put the question bluntly: "you need to change." It can be frightening.
Step 10
Prepare yourself for many difficult days ahead of you, along with the days of enlightenment. This can be expressed in amplitude jumps in mood, unexpected aggression or fun. Accept all this and do not leave the person until he has done it to the end. Wounds do not heal as quickly, but you can speed up and facilitate their healing.
