Do you have friends or acquaintances who have been telling you about the problem for a week, or even a year, but cannot solve it in any way. You look at such a person and are surprised: “Well, everything can be settled in just a couple of steps. Why does he not do anything and continue to suffer? It amazes you how this person can live so long in the shadow of an easily solvable problem. Is it that simple?
What are the reasons that someone cannot cope with the situation from time to time, and is there a chance to help him? And most importantly: is it necessary?
1. Imaginary victim syndrome. Some people suffer because they just enjoy suffering. More precisely, they do not even suffer, but relish this feeling, enjoy it. Due to the lack of attention, some may crave elementary pity, and therefore their stories about an eternally unsolved problem satisfy this need. Others, in fact, like the situation itself, where they allegedly became hostage to circumstances. But by and large they are not hostages at all, but dictators of this situation.
For example, a girl complains that men constantly pester her, that she is tired of fighting them off, that she is scared to go out, and one generally calls all day. You look at her and understand that this is quite understandable: her appearance is so provocative that it cannot be otherwise. And it is enough for an obsessive admirer to explain in a harsh manner that he is not desired here, and that will be enough. But what is the girl doing? She does not change outwardly. And she refuses the pursuer in a rather playful manner, who happily continues to call her. Why is she doing this? Because she likes this situation. Why then does she envelop this situation in the form of a problem and complain? To look like a victim, not a dictator who rules the world of men.
2. Typical laziness. Some problems are not solved just because they are simply too lazy to do more to get better results.
For example, someone complains that he has so much potential, but there is no opportunity for its development. For comparison, a simple hard worker at the plant successfully fulfills his duties for little money and now and then tells the master how to remove certain "jambs". All in all, he himself could have been quite a great master. But there are so many of these "buts". You need to get crusts, and for this you need to take time off, enroll in courses and spend part of a very small salary on training. And then also to go every day to an educational institution or even live in another city for this … What can I say - laziness.
3. Fear of failure. People are afraid to tackle a specific solution to a problem because they are afraid to fail. They are ready to put up with the existence of this problem every day, rather than see something that they are not yet used to.
For example, a young woman on maternity leave, who has not yet had time to work out properly, could completely take orders, because she is an excellent seamstress. But the fear that she will not succeed allows her to take only rare orders from friends in order to change the zipper and cut her trousers. She thinks: “Now I’ll study on different orders of my friends and then I’ll give an ad to the network. And in such an unpretentious way, she pushes herself away from the goal. As a result, he receives a pitiful penny for his orders and complains that he does not have enough to live on.
4. There is still time. Someone can simply postpone the problem to the next day, because everything seems to him that he has these days ahead in bulk and nothing will happen to this problem yet.
For example, a girl lost weight due to her emotional problems. I began to lose weight rapidly. And as a result, she became so weakened that anorexia can be seen with the naked medical eye. Urgent medical attention is required. But she continues to go to work, with difficulty carrying her forty kilograms there. And every day it fades more. Yes, she already understands that she is not "fat". For many months now it has not been fat. But she still thinks that gaining weight is as easy as losing it. She puts off going to the doctor, not even realizing that her heart is becoming more and more like an almost discharged gadget every day. Yes, she has time. But why test when it's over?
5. I do not see a problem - it means it does not exist.
Someone does not solve a long-standing problem just because they do not understand its essence, do not see it.
For example, a husband and a young wife, after the wedding, settled in his house with their mother-in-law. He goes to work every day, and when he comes, he does not want to delve into the nuances of the relationship that arose between mom and wife. And my wife just wants to climb the wall from resentment and mental pain. All day long she only listened to reproaches that she didn’t know how to do this and that she didn’t succeed. And how is it that such a fantastic man married such an inept. To resolve this internal conflict, you need only one action - to find a separate home. But for this, the spouse must see the problem, must feel the condition of the woman. As long as she is silent or breaks down in screams, he is unlikely to hear.
There can be many reasons why people do not solve stuck problems. And it is important to understand these reasons. Then it becomes clear who is just enough to listen to, who is prompted to take a different view of the situation, and who can be encouraged to take action.
