Does it piss you off when a colleague says this dress doesn't suit you? Is it stressful if your boss often makes unsubstantiated comments? Does it hurt if your husband grumbles that you've been on the Internet all day? If so, you are hooked on manipulative influence through criticism.
Each person understands that such a relationship needs to be got rid of. But how? You won't quit your job because of an unethical colleague? Where is the guarantee that this will not happen at another job? And the bosses are completely “smeared with one world”. And you won't run away from your husband just because he criticizes.
Here it is important to understand why they are doing this. Based on many studies, experts have deduced some patterns in the behavior of critics and their victims.
Why colleagues criticize. They can assert themselves at the expense of you, they can be vampires who want to feed on your negative reactions to criticism, they can just be tactless. Should you react to the statements of such people? The best way out is to not give them what they want so badly: your backlash and your emotions. Let them rave themselves, what have you got to do with it? We keep the vector of good mood and do not succumb to provocations!
Why is the boss criticizing. The first point is completely suitable here, plus the super-demanding nature of some higher officials is also added. It is also possible that he sees you as a competitor if you are capable of doing work of his level. In this case, it is important to remember one important thing. Whatever it was and no matter how he mocked, there is a law of hierarchy, according to which he must be respected by his subordinates. Simply because he is responsible for a more complex area of work. And you can resist such criticism only with the help of absolute inner calm, which can be trained. Then the boss will no longer need to annoy you - he will not be interested in it, because there will be no reaction.
Why does the husband criticize. This, incidentally, applies to all those close to you. As a rule, they resort to manipulation of criticism when they cannot express something directly in the eyes. If your husband grumbles about the Internet, it means that he lacks your attention, delicious food or sex. He knows that after long battles on the World Wide Web, his wife will fall down and quickly fall asleep, without giving him her affection. He cannot say that directly. Perhaps he wanted to go somewhere together or go to his mother. There are many options, and each time the reason for criticism may be different. In this case, you just need to be more attentive to your family: ask what they want, plan a weekend and just communicate more in order to better understand each other.
However, if the manipulation is too frank, criticism is unfair and is aimed only at satisfying someone's selfish needs, it needs to be able to resist.
The best way is to agree with the criticism: “Yes, you are probably right, I have been on the Internet for too long. But I needed it. If objections follow, agree with them again. And so on until the stream of claims runs dry. The critic will understand that his tricks are not working.
With a boss, this method is best used carefully, but with colleagues, you can even use grotesque and encourage them: "Yes, you have no idea - I'm even worse than you think." Or: "Yes, in this dress I'm like a cow, I don't like it myself." Your colleague's stupor is guaranteed. There is another powerful technique - to ask a direct question: "Why are you telling me this?" By doing this you will show that you can guess the true intentions of the critic, and this he does not want at all.
All of the above applies specifically to manipulation through criticism. And if the remarks addressed to you are correct, the approach should be different.
