It often happens that manipulators use criticism as an influence, and then their victims begin to make excuses. This is not a good tactic, you have to act differently.
First, you need to understand that you are being criticized because you agree to be treated that way. It is based on the belief that others have the right to judge you. That others know what's best for you. That others are actually better than you - smarter, more experienced, more insightful. And so on and so forth. But does this correspond to reality?
In most cases, it does not match. It's just that this attitude towards people comes from childhood, when the parents convinced the child that he is small and stupid, and does not understand anything. This belief can remain with a person for life, and he suffers from every comment of others.
One way is to agree. In books on psychology, this technique is called "Go into the fog" or "Create a smokescreen."
If you imagine fog on the sea or on the lake, it is a weightless substance, and at the same time something that cannot be influenced. Voices are drowning in it, objects are not visible in it. And even if a stone is thrown into the fog, it will disappear without a trace, without changing anything in the state of nature.
This should be your state: if they start to criticize you, it does not affect you. It won't work right away, but over time the skill will become your second "I".
Let's consider a specific example - a conversation between two colleagues:
- Listen, well, you dressed as always - in something baggy …
- Yes, I agree, I look as usual
- I could have picked up something else, more graceful
- Yes, of course, I am quite able to do it
- And in general, how can you allow yourself to look like that, it is absolutely not feminine
- Yes, you're right, I was just thinking about it
- I think that because of this you are not promoted.
- Yes, for a career you need something else besides brains
In this dialogue, one attacks, and the other does not respond to criticism, but rather slightly mocks an aggressive colleague who, using manipulations, tries to ruin her mood.
Note - it is important to keep the inner state - it must remain calm. What happens to a colleague at this time is her business. It is important to understand that she is not smarter or more experienced than you. And even more so it has no right to tell you how to dress.
And it is important to understand the difference between friendly advice and criticism - these are two different things, and you can tell them apart only by the intonation of your voice. A tone of pretense is criticism. A friendly and open conversation is the advice of a friend who wants the best.
The realization that no one has the right to dictate how we should live. However, this is not an aggressive defense when you can say, "Stay out of my life." This is a graceful escape from conflict, saving nerves and training in communication, which is useful in communicating with loved ones.
The only difference is that we just need to repel the attack of a colleague, but we also need to understand our relatives or friends, because they often criticize because they cannot express some kind of request directly. But this is a separate and very important topic.
