Man is a social being. Everyone has interpersonal connections and influences those who open up. If a loved one is addicted, then his relatives are involuntarily drawn into a state of codependency. Everyone's thoughts, feelings, and behavior are largely influenced by the lives, thoughts, feelings and behavior of others.
If there is a person in the family with a pathological craving for alcohol, then all its members become codependent. A codependent person usually has low self-esteem. The wives of alcoholics hope that they can change the situation, but fail, they feel powerless. Trying to save the patient, they only contribute to the fact that he begins to abuse alcohol more. Taking upon themselves the solution of all problems, "rescuers" release the sick relative from responsibility for their actions.
A codependent person is often driven by a sense of fear - fear of being alone, anxiety, fear that something bad will happen. He considers himself offended, slighted and constantly afraid of the wrath of others. The alcoholic's wife tries to suppress her anger, but as a result, she often splashes out her rage on the children.
A sense of shame dominates codependents. They stop communicating with friends, their social circle is limited to a couple of colleagues and acquaintances. Fear and anger cause a number of diseases: peptic ulcer, "neurosis" of the heart, tachycardia. Failure to address the problem of codependency can lead to early death.
How can you overcome the state of codependency? First of all, the codependent should realize and acknowledge their problem. You need to work on changing your reactions, feelings, perception of the world. It is necessary to give up the desire to control everything, and then trust will appear, which will allow avoiding alienation in the relationship. It is necessary to learn to distinguish between a person and his actions, and then you can again respect your friends and loved ones. Increasing attention to your feelings, emotions, behavior will allow you to differently assess the situation and attitude towards your life. You should not accumulate resentment in yourself, it destroys, it is best to forgive all your offenders. But your mistakes should be forgiven.
The next step is detachment. Not anger or deprivation of a loved one of love, but a retreat from insoluble problems. Worrying for an alcoholic or drug addict is absolutely useless; one should not be responsible for the lives of others. This positive attitude will gradually create feelings of contentment and happiness.
This does not mean that you should deny a loved one the help they need. But it is worth realizing for yourself that you cannot help anyone against his will.
Effective for recovering from codependency and controlling your emotions and feelings. You should change your reactions to what is happening and take everything as it is, giving up negative assessments and total control. Do not allow a dependent person to spoil the day, month, life for those around you.
Getting rid of codependency is a long, painstaking work on oneself, but as a result, the one who managed to overcome the problem grows into a spiritually developed, harmonious and healthy person. When a person begins to change, the world around him also changes.
