Being moderately selfish is not only normal, but even very useful. People who cannot stand up for themselves and always do everything only for the sake of others, as a result, can become very unhappy, because kindness and excessive gentleness are often used.
Critical Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Selfishness
Healthy egoism is characterized, first of all, by the ability of a person to act in his own interests and achieve the results that he needs, without violating the rights of others and not forcing others to suffer. Unhealthy egoism, which can also be called egocentrism, is much more unpleasant: it forces a person to act at his own discretion in everything, "go over his head", not caring at all about the life and well-being of even the closest people.
Self-centeredness prevents people from putting themselves in someone else's place. It is incompatible with empathy, sympathy, diplomacy. A person is simply not able to imagine how others might feel.
With healthy egoism, a person loves himself in moderation, has a good, not overestimated or underestimated self-esteem, knows about his merits and demerits. He does not need someone else's praise, he does not try to achieve the earliest recognition of his merits. Unhealthy selfishness, on the other hand, pushes a person to do bad things. He forces you to constantly demand worship, can cause humiliation of others, the desire to "sit up" at work, slander people in order to appear better against their background. To appear perfect in their own eyes, the egocentric will do anything.
Varieties of selfishness: additional nuances
Healthy and unhealthy selfishness is characterized by different options for building relationships with loved ones. As a rule, it is normal if both partners are equal and happy, they listen to each other's opinions, respect other people's interests, but do not forget about themselves. Unhealthy selfishness does not allow for such a relationship. It is characterized by a person's desire to subjugate loved ones, constant manipulation, pressure, blackmail.
Egocentrism can be short, situational, while healthy selfishness, as a rule, becomes one of the main character traits that persist for a long time, if not for a lifetime.
Another important detail that can help distinguish healthy from unhealthy selfishness: in the first case, a person can enjoy communication, while in the second he is proud that no one understands him. Self-centered people may consider themselves unusual, standing above everyone else, even carrying a special mission. At the same time, they, oddly enough, may suffer from painful self-esteem, considering themselves unfairly offended and deprived.
