Each of us has moments in life when a "black streak" comes: everything falls out of hand, when life seems unfair and dull. Each in his own way comes out of these states. One of the ways to get out of the negative states that arise during the "black strip" is a confidential conversation with a psychologist, psychotherapist or loved one. And now we will talk about what principles need to be followed so that this conversation will save us from negative experiences, help us to look at ourselves and our problems in a different way (thereby, helping to solve them) and at the same time would not be burdensome for a person, with whom we will talk to.
Experienced psychologists specifically create conditions in which a person (client) talks about his feelings and experiences. And, most importantly, he does not just speak, but, as it were, re-lives them and thereby frees himself. There is a new look at the problem and a new opportunity to solve it. The creation of such conditions is quite affordable for us.
But before we learn how to create them ourselves, let's talk about these very negative experiences that hinder us so much.
Many people know the regularity of the flow of emotional states, which can be formulated as follows: any emotional state (positive or negative) goes through its cycle and turns into something else, that is, it disappears in the form in which it was originally.
What does this mean? This means that any emotional state will never be eternal, that sooner or later it will have to change. Some experiences are always replaced by others. You cannot, relatively speaking, be irritated all the time. It will simply not be possible.
Awareness of this pattern eliminates unnecessary worries and worries. However, although any experience will go away sooner or later, it can take a long time. There is a way to speed up this process significantly. You just need to observe this experience, without interfering with its flow, to consciously experience it.
No feeling, even the most powerful, can harm us if we just experience it. For example, if you are angry, do not rush to hide this feeling deep in yourself or to throw it out on others. Define it (reflect on what kind of anger it is, to whom, when it appeared), observe it, feel it, let it be. And it cannot help but disappear.
In fact, such conditions are created by a psychotherapist to make it easier for a person.
We just have to learn how to create such conditions in life ourselves.
We point out right away that not every friend or comrade will be able to help us, but only the one for whom it will not be a serious psychological burden to listen to us with our problems. This should be a person who will not take our problems too close to heart and who, at the same time, treats us well and is able to sympathize with us at least to a small extent. It's good if this is a close person who understands us. In fact, nothing is required of this person other than the ability to patiently listen to us.
And now, in fact, what needs to be done:
1. Ask your friend for some time.
2. If your friend is ready to help you, tell me what this unpleasant situation means for you (for example, if you have certain difficulties in some area of your life, then say: “I have a difficulty … and I want to resolve it”).
3. Tell us about the essence of the situation. You can use a sample list of questions to which you will answer.
- What happened (When ?, Where?)
- What is your attitude to the situation?
- Why is it so important to you?
- What role did other people play in it?
- How do you see the development of events?
- What can you do to find a solution?
4. As you narrate, talk about your feelings about the events that you are willing to tell the person (for example, "… it made me angry" or "… this turn of events caused joy"). It is most important. Talking about feelings, you neutralize the negative charge that they carried in themselves.
5. Finish with a discussion of ways out of your problem situation. By talking about the problem, you have cleared room for yourself to make the right decisions.
6. Thank your friend. That's all!
Proceed very carefully and dose the time of such work. There is no need to try to solve all problems at once in one sitting. Be careful with strong feelings and remember that no feeling can hurt you if you just live it. You just need to be careful and patient here. And one more caveat - your friend, unlike professionals, is not prepared for such work, so the responsibility for the progress of the work lies with you. If you feel that this situation is uncomfortable for your friend, then reach the logical point and end the process.
However, there is nothing to be afraid of here either. The method that is proposed here has been used in one form or another throughout the history of mankind. Since ancient times, people have removed and are removing the load from their souls, sharing their experiences.
