An adult has in his life baggage the experience of making mistakes. What will the children think when they find out what stupid things their parents did? This frightens many.
The attitude to the memories of the created stupidity, ridiculous situations and miscalculations in each person causes special emotions. Someone does not like the past, in which he appeared not in his best form, someone is looking for the guilty, and someone turns such stories into a reason to laugh, or even be proud of their rich experience. Opinions can change dramatically as soon as it comes to the need to tell about the past to your children.
All parents want the relationship between them and their heirs to be perfect. Accordingly, one's own beliefs, which do not coincide with the generally accepted standard, need to be revised. Toddlers should get the very best, including the very best dad and mom. Often, in pursuit of these images, a person loses his true appearance, which his child needs so much.
Hide errors
It's natural to be a superhero for your kids. Uncertainty in their abilities suggests to some people a bad idea - to artificially create in the eyes of a child the image of an infallible person. Then these unfortunates are tormented by the fear of exposure. Indeed, it may happen that the main spectator of their performance will notice some lack of the protagonist and be disappointed in him.
Are the petty fears of an adult deceiver comparable to the world of horror in which their child dwells? The child observes the life of impeccable people, but he himself periodically makes mistakes. The feeling of his own inferiority haunts him constantly. Naturally, you can ask your idol for advice, but the same person has never been in such situations, he will not understand, will condemn, it is simply a shame to admit that it is not possible to meet the family standard.
Bulging mistakes
Two types of people, guided by completely different motives, can tirelessly tell children about perfect stupidity:
- Antihero parents who are afraid that the child will repeat their sad path. They do not understand that the child is also a part of their unsightly life, and he may have a completely opposite opinion about the surrounding reality.
- Parents are heroes who are not afraid that the child is their complete copy. They draw a path for the baby in advance with an abundance of troubles and bad deeds. When a child grows up, he may not show interest in such adventures, but in childhood he will try to do everything that his elders require of him. There are antiheroes who do not conduct a targeted information attack on children, but share memories with their friends in their presence.
Both types of parents risk becoming completely incomprehensible eccentrics in the eyes of their own children. The imposed scheme of actions at a certain moment will begin to weigh on the growing person. He will not just refuse her, but will begin to protest, committing a series of stupid acts that are contrary to the instructions of older family members.
Talk about mistakes
All the examples of wrong parenting described above are generated by the wrong attitude to the dialogue with the child. An adult denies himself as a person in order for his descendant to admire something artificial. Will the one who, instead of dad and mom, have characters from the pages of moralizing books, will be happy? No, because isolation has a negative impact on the developing psyche, and simulated images will never be close people to the baby.
One way or another, a person mentions his mistakes. There is no need to be ashamed of this. As soon as these episodes cease to cause an acute emotional reaction in an adult, he will stop presenting them as some kind of mystical value that must either be hidden or demonstrated at every corner. As a rule, one speaks most calmly about miscalculations with the closest people. In the circle of those it is necessary to include your children.
Why do children need it
The child has the right to be familiar with his parents. He should know that they also did absurdities, know how they relate to their experience. This will allow him to more calmly perceive his own flaws and, if necessary, ask for advice from his elders. Sometimes there will be no direct request for help, there will be imitation of the closest person who has found a way out of a difficult situation.
A very important point is the right not to disclose any unpleasant details. It should not be concluded from all of the above that parents have no right to refuse to paint individual unsympathetic episodes from their lives. They simply should not react to the child's questions with radical denial that they have made such mistakes. Let the child understand that the parents are not ready to talk about something now. He himself should have the same right and seek advice only when he himself wants it.
