How often people take offense at each other over trifles. Perhaps most of the grievances arise from the fact that a person does not know how to distance himself in a conflict and takes everything personally. Is there a technique that will allow us to avoid resentment and learn to hear each other? How not to take everything personally and understand what the interlocutor is talking about, even if he is rude and not abstinent in communication.
It is necessary
You enter into a conflict and intend to resolve a difficult issue with good, but your interlocutor is clearly not disposed to a peaceful solution to the problem. On the contrary, he is rude, becomes personal, and now you boil and, possibly, get out of contact, cut off the connection. It happens that this behavior is justified - you protect yourself and your boundaries. You don't want to be hurt. This is normal. But it happens that a person is dear to you, or you cannot avoid meeting and communicating with him. What to do? How to learn not to take everything that you are told personally. And is it possible?
Instructions
Step 1
Whatever they say to you, realize that if your opponent is opposed to you and broadcasts something very impartial, is rude, most likely he is talking about something that concerns him, but not you. In psychotherapy, this is called a projection. Someone feels bad, but will argue that it is bad for you. It is best to ignore this.
Step 2
Are you worried about someone's behavior or words addressed to you? Are you guessing what this means? Why doesn't the person say hello to you, or throws the abrupt "Good afternoon!" and tries to hide from sight. He probably doesn't like you! But do not rush to judge. Perhaps it’s not you. This is the behavior of introverts, shy people, those who are prone to mood swings, are sick with depression. In general, this behavior can have many reasons. And if you are wondering if this is about you, the best way to dispel your doubts is to come up and ask directly. Don't expect a direct answer. But in any case, you will see whether it is worth continuing to communicate and try to get in touch with the person.
Step 3
If someone criticizes you, listen to the criticism. Try to hear your opponent. Ask yourself if there is any truth in his words. Perhaps he is right about something, and you can learn something here and now. You should not believe one thing - when someone speaks not about your actions or achievements, but about yourself. You did not act stupid, you are simply stupid. Or a fool from birth. And your hands are growing everybody knows from what place. This kind of criticism is not a criticism, but a projection.
Step 4
Try to look at the situation from the outside. What would you say about the conflict if you were an outside observer and not a stakeholder.
Step 5
Realize and accept the fact that you cannot be good to everyone. Remember the saying. You can spread out like a rug, and still there will be people who will complain that you are not flat enough to walk on you.
Step 6
Remember that your mistakes or remarks about you do not define you as a person.
Step 7
Most importantly, remember that your self-worth depends only on you. No one can tell you that you deserve less, or that you are less and less insignificant. Nobody has such a right.
