How many times a day do you say no to someone? If it is easy for a casual passer-by to say this, then it is not easy to refuse a loved one or your child.
Instructions
Step 1
Before you deny someone something, think carefully why you are so reluctant to fulfill the request. Is it unpleasant for you? Is this not in line with your principles? Is this not your responsibility? For a successful and painless refusal, you need to find in yourself and formulate a clear thesis - the answer to the question of why you do not want to fulfill a person's request.
Step 2
Once you've figured out your personal reasons, think about why the person needs what they are asking for. If necessary, check with the potential addressee of your refusal for the same specific reasons for his request. It will be appropriate to ask leading questions in order to understand the motives of the person as clearly as possible.
Step 3
If, after having clearly explained to you what and why they are asking you, you still intend to refuse, realize a simple thing: refusal can sound different. It can be an empty "no", or it can be a soft-spoken answer in the form "unfortunately, I cannot help you, because …" or "I would really like to help, but I cannot do this, because … ". The ellipsis is followed by your thesis formulated in step # 1. Psychologically, such a formulation smooths out the acute moment of refusal, but at the same time does not cancel its essence.
Step 4
Three helpers in rejection: firmness, arguments, alternatives. Firmness is your position that you are fully aware of. If there is even the slightest doubt, we recommend that you go back to step # 1 and work through your thoughts again. Arguments are the theses that you use when you refuse, they also reinforce your firm position. If there are no arguments, you will not be able to explain exactly why you refused. Alternatives are what can be done if a person's request can be fulfilled, but in a different way or not with your help. For example: "Unfortunately, I cannot help you, because this is not within my competence, but you can contact Maria, she is dealing with this issue."
Step 5
Refusal can be verbal or written. Without looking a person in the eyes, it is easier to refuse, but this form must be approached responsibly. Here, too, you need to use the "three components of refusal" (see step # 4) and remember that a person has his own reasons for asking you for something.
Step 6
An important point in working out your attitude towards rejection is to accept the idea that your unwillingness to fulfill someone's request is normal, be it a boss, subordinate, colleague, husband, parent or child. Realize that you are a living person, you have your own firm position and life principles. All of this may not meet the requirements of other people.
Step 7
Keep calm. The interlocutor, upon hearing your refusal, may well succumb to emotions, including negative ones, but your main task is not to succumb to provocation and maintain composure. Be firm in your refusal, but if possible, try to offer an alternative solution to the question of the interlocutor.
Step 8
Finally, a few tips with examples.
1. Start your refusal with a positive moment: "I understood why it is important for you, but I will not be able to fulfill your request …".
2. In case of refusal, use mild formulations: "I can't", "I would really like (but), but …", "I would be (a) glad, but …", etc. A sharp empty "no" will only push the interlocutor to include psychological protection.
3. Try to always offer an alternative. So the person will see that you not only turned away from his request, but are ready to help him solve the issue, but in a different way or with the help of other people.
