The inner critic lives in every person. In some situations, it acts as a defense mechanism and can even help a person not to get into some kind of dangerous situation. Most of the time, however, the inner speaker only hurts. Where does the inner critic come from, what can his excessive activity lead to?
How the inner critic is formed
Every person has a boring and gloomy inner voice, which very often reminds of committed mistakes, scolds even for minimal misdeeds. However, in some individuals, over time, he literally begins to dominate the mind, while others try to curb this inner critic, negotiate with him, or learn to ignore his grumbling.
Where does the inner critic come from? The answer is banal and simple: from childhood. Inner dissatisfaction with oneself, mental grumbling, a tendency to scold oneself, the habit of engaging in self-accusation, self-flagellation come after a person from his childhood years. For a child, this behavior and being stuck in such a state is atypical. However, a child is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, on the assessments given by his parents, on conversations about him, and so on. It is on the basis of this that an inner critic begins to grow, capable of literally poisoning a person's life.
The process of forming an internal critic is usually started by parents or grandparents. Demonstration of dissatisfaction with the child, punishment, reproaches, insults, heavy sighs and gloomy looks at the child when he did something wrong, constant grunting, attempts to educate, arouse guilt, shame - all this becomes what feeds the inner critic … Kindergarten teachers, relatives who constantly compare the child with someone else, teachers at school, and other adults who surround the child during growing up also affect the formation of an internal critic.
The inner critic does not have a direct and constant dependence on strong childhood emotions or impressions. However, if a child is going through a difficult situation when he is accused, ashamed and punished, these experiences will give even more strength to the inner critic. Resentment, fear, anxiety, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness, guilt, internal panic, a feeling of sadness, anger at yourself or those around you - this is not a complete list of those feelings and emotions that give strength to the internal criticism that influence the formation of this personality trait.
Examples of typical phrases from childhood, which are then adopted by the inner critic:
- "You ruined everything again";
- “Shame on you, you dishonor me”;
- “You are not ready for the lesson again, you are our main poor student and a worthless child”;
- “Other children study so well, and you, as always”;
- "You still won't succeed, why are you wasting time on some nonsense";
- "Why did you decide that something will come of your idea, give up this business, you have no talent and abilities";
- “You yourself are to blame that everything turned out this way, you had to obey”;
- "You are stupid and do not understand anything";
- “So much effort and money has been invested in you, and you, as you were a fool, remained so”;
- "Again you overslept and you are late, now they will scold you at school, you are just some kind of grief and punishment, not a child."
Lack of support and approval from adults who are significant for the child not only affects the level of the growing person's inner faith, self-esteem, but also destroys motivation, cultivating a very strong internal critic.
With the passage of time, phrases from childhood are joined by words heard by a person addressed to him at the institute, at work. Especially impressionable individuals can unconsciously remember the opinions of strangers who speak out on the topic of their work or creativity. In reality, criticism is very difficult to perceive, it is fixed in the mind of a particularly impressionable and vulnerable person, which gives an additional reason for the flourishing of the activity of the inner critic.
Typical examples of phrases of such an angry inner voice already in adulthood may look like this:
- "Why did I decide that I will succeed, I still will not be able to achieve anything";
- “Why act and start something, there will again be a complete failure”;
- "I am not worthy";
- "I am completely worthless and useless";
- “I just look awful today, you can't leave the house like this,” and so on.
It is noteworthy that quite often phrases from an inner critic sound with an appeal to "you". For example, the utterance of a malicious voice may look like this: “You thought you had enough strength, but you knew that everything was pointless, that everything was very risky and would turn out to be another collapse for you”.
What is the danger of an internal critic
As a rule, a negatively tuned inner voice in a person's consciousness becomes very loud in moments of extreme fatigue, emotional exhaustion, illness, during periods of apathy, depressive mood, and so on. Any stressful / unpleasant situation can force the inner critic into a long and sad monologue.
If a person absolutely does not know how to control a harmful inner speaker, then the critic's activity may turn out to be:
- low self-esteem, fear of action;
- unwillingness to leave the comfort zone;
- lack of motivation for anything;
- a literal stop in development;
- groundless anxieties, experiences, nightmares, a neurotic state with fixation on the negative;
- progressive negative thinking;
- lack of desire and strength for work or creativity;
- unwillingness to set goals for yourself or a very long way to achieve a goal, a dream;
- ruined talents and abilities;
- repeated repetition of the same mistakes, falling into unpleasant situations of the same type, rejection of the experience gained.
An active inner critic constantly forces a person to live in a state of disharmony, under the constant influence of stress. This is fraught with internal conflicts, the flourishing of complexes and the development of other negative states. Under the stream of constant criticism, the brain begins to function differently, a person ceases to see any prospects, loses faith in himself and in the world around him, begins to live as if automatically. Therefore, it is so important to learn to negotiate with your inner critic, try not to focus attention on him, and do not take mistakes too seriously.
