There are two theories about the roots of narcissistic personalities: parents give them too much or too little attention during childhood. Which of this is true?
Narcissists are convinced of their own superiority. They do not have stable self-esteem, so they constantly rethink reality in their favor. And if they do not receive confirmation of their own importance in the eyes of others, this leads to the development of their feelings of envy and jealousy. Either they are the best or they are not worth anything at all.
Their fragile self-esteem makes it difficult for them to control their emotions: small disagreements with others make them hysterical. It's no surprise that narcissism creates interpersonal problems.
The problem with Narcissus, the beautiful youth from ancient Greek mythology, was not that he loved himself very much, but that he did not love anyone but himself. He despised even the charming nymph, and this was followed by the punishment: he fell in love with his own attitude in the mirror.
How to recognize a narcissist in modern life? Let's say you are chatting with a narcissist at a party. As soon as he finds out about your profession, he will explain to you how this sphere works, even if he has no idea about it. Or another option: he bombards you with questions about your personal or professional life, while he seems quite interested. However, at the end of the conversation, you realize that you have not really learned anything about your interlocutor.
Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
- a grandiose sense of importance, exaggeration of their own achievements and talents, - thirst for admiration, - profit-oriented relationships, - lack of empathy and respect for the feelings and needs of others, - envy, or the conviction that they envy him, - arrogance, -belief in one's own exclusivity and desire to be on an equal footing with significant people,
- fantasies of power, success, beauty or ideal love
There are two types of narcissism. The first is completely absorbed in his own significance, flaunts his exclusivity, feeling the need for admiration. The second is more socially pleasant, but at the same time vulnerable. He is characterized by feelings of shame and an increased sensitivity to criticism and rejection.
However, these two types can be inherent in the same personality. The same person can be the king of the party, and the next day worry about what impression he made. The same person can be dazzling on stage and at the same time very vulnerable at other times.
Narcissism has its origins in childhood. If parents do not meet their child's needs for attention and understanding, the child becomes insecure, reacts anxiously: "Why can't you see how I feel?", "Why don't you do something to make me feel better?" After endless disappointments, the child "decides" that he wants to do without other people. But the tragedy is that the narcissist really needs other people. His parents did not let him know that they loved him. That is why he has such a need to be admired. And as a result, he repels others by it. It turns out a vicious circle.
Self-reliance is not the same as high self-esteem. The narcissist is convinced that the value of people is expressed hierarchically, and he places himself on a lonely pedestal. A person with high self-esteem considers himself valuable, but not more valuable than others. It turns out that there are narcissists with both high and low self-esteem.
Self-esteem and narcissism appear around the age of seven. Only then does the child develop a general judgment about himself, including comparing himself with his peers. At this age, they begin to think about what impression they make on others. Narcissism is an attempt to compensate for the emptiness created by the lack of parental warmth. Children try to present themselves as “great” when they do not see love and understanding from their parents. Another explanation is that parents praise the child and are prone to grossly exaggerated and undeserved compliments. For example, parents think their child is smarter than his IQ suggests. Very often, these parents give their children fancy names.
A child learns to think of himself as special when his parents treat him appropriately, and he develops a demanding mindset when his parents assign him a certain status.
Clinical practice and psychological research do not mean the same thing by narcissism. Clinical psychotherapists see it as an early, ongoing developmental disorder, and social psychologists define narcissism as a personality trait.
How should parents behave to prevent narcissism in children?
- Try to objectively evaluate your child's performance, - praise diligence, not the result, - praise adequately, - do not push him to surpass others, - do not claim special privileges for your child.
To improve a child's self-esteem
- Show your child that he is valuable to you, - do something together, - hug him more often, - show interest in what he is doing.
