According to psychoanalyst Karen Horney, 95% of people in the world are neurotics. This means that most of us have had an unpleasant emotional experience, and we have not been able to adequately process it in order to remain psychologically well-off people. As a result, when in life we are faced with situations that cause us similar unpleasant experiences, we begin to behave inappropriately.
How a neurotic behaves
A neurotic is a very comfortable person. Unlike psychologically prosperous people.
It is very easy to agree with a neurotic: he avoids entering into open confrontation and expressing his opinion, even if he does not agree with something. After all, it turns out that he does not respect your opinion, which means that he does not respect you, and this is already fraught with scandal.
The neurotic is very compliant and accommodating: it is easy to persuade him to do something, even if he does not really want to. After all, he is afraid to refuse - what if someone doesn't like it?
The neurotic is easy to manipulate and control, he is malleable and trusting. You told him it was for his own good? Or that he cannot refuse such a little thing like you? He believes you. And until the very end he does not want to doubt your pure and sincere intentions - what if his doubts destroy such a wonderful relationship?
The neurotic is very affectionate. He, forgetting about his business, will break away from an important meeting so that you can cry on his shoulder or just go to a cafe with him because you are bored. He is gladly waiting for a call from you, a letter in which you show him how best to please you. After all, he "loves you so much"! And, forgetting about himself, seeks to please other people.
On a neurotic, it is very convenient to rip off anger or anger, because he will not be offended by such a little thing like you, especially since you are not on purpose. He will endure and understand that this is necessary for your peace of mind, even if he is "a little" unpleasant - after all, these are trifles.
How a psychologically prosperous person behaves
A psychologically healthy, prosperous person behaves in exactly the opposite way.
If he doesn't like what you say, he won't agree with you just to please you. He will say that he has a different opinion, with all due respect to yours.
If he does not want to do something or go somewhere, he will several times weigh all the arguments "for" and "against", or even simply refuse outright without explaining the reasons.
A psychologically successful person will not tolerate your tantrums and antics, the purpose of which is to win out a handful of attention and get some kind of secondary benefit (even if you are a little bit); and not every time he will be ready to quit some important business on demand, even if it is “for your sake”.
A psychologically healthy person understands that despite mutual sympathy, people experience different emotions for each other, he admits this and does not perceive this as a catastrophe, but only as an excuse to talk or let each other cool off.
He will not continue those relationships that have ceased to bring him satisfaction: he loved you and, perhaps, still loves, but he loves himself too.
Thus, compared to a docile neurotic, a psychologically successful person may appear harsh, individualistic, and intractable. Even Abraham Maslow noted that self-actualizing personalities, representing the most psychologically mature people, are by no means pleasant in communication, as one might expect from them. Maturity and psychological health oblige a person to correspond first of all to himself, and this inevitably leads to confrontation with others.
