Throughout our lives, all of us, without exception, at least for some period wanted to change a loved one, his behavior, some features. This could be a parent, a loved one, a close friend, etc. As a rule, the desire to change the other does not lead to anything, but often this understanding comes too late. Is it still possible to change a loved one?
Why do we want to change a loved one?
Let's first analyze why there is a desire to change a loved one. We do not like any traits of behavior, character traits, outlook on life. If communication with another person is not episodic, then unpleasant traits or qualities become too obvious and begin to openly annoy.
This is where the desire to change a loved one appears. For example, we do not like laziness, we begin to get annoyed, we tell him that we need to eradicate laziness in ourselves, we look for ways to do this, etc.
How do people usually want to change a loved one?
The desire to change a person is manifested in some words and actions. We are starting to talk about it, to offer some ideas. And there are already several mistakes in this approach.
The first mistake is that the source of our rejection of a certain quality or trait is actually in us. We do not like laziness, because it is in a latent form in us, we do not like assertive behavior, because perhaps we have a desire to behave more confidently, but this does not work out in life. Any quality that irritates in another person is present in us, but only we do not see it or do not accept it in ourselves. Therefore, we begin to focus our attention on him so, if we meet in another person.
It is very important to turn inward and realize why this or that manifestation in a loved one is annoying.
The second mistake lies in the fact that the desire to change any quality in a loved one, proceeding from one's own position of rejection of it in oneself, only leads to conflicts and the strengthening of this quality in a loved one. If you get annoyed at your spouse's insecurity and try to change him, he will become more and more insecure. And this applies to almost any quality or manifestation that we are trying to change in this way in a loved one.
At this point, unfortunately, thousands of marriages broke up and many relationships collapsed.
Is it still possible to change another person?
Probably yes, if you can avoid the above two mistakes.
To do this, you must clearly understand that what you want to change does not come from your personal conflicts. You need to change your motive and not solve your problems at the expense of a loved one, as often happens in this case. If you understand that you want to change something because of internal contradictions, give up this idea for now. Nothing good will come of her.
Approval for positive qualities
If you've made sure you're not trying to change the other person by solving your problems, then there is a good way to nurture or cultivate positive qualities in him.
Show approval for the qualities you want to enhance. If a person is lazy, and you approve of his every desire to take the initiative, even if this desire is still very small, then gradually he himself will want to gradually develop in this direction. Here you need to support and approve of all such manifestations and celebrate successes, even if at first very slight.
Many positive qualities can be nurtured in this way.
So, answering the question whether it is possible to change a loved one, one has to admit the twofold nature of the answer. If you do it wrong, you can break things, and vice versa, the right motivation and strategy can give a good result in this direction, which will turn out to be beneficial for you and your loved one.
