Some psychological disorders that arise at a conscious age are directly related to parenting and maternal influence. Lack of love or overprotection leads to aggression in the child, to fear, inability to realize oneself, to express oneself in life. What types of motherly love do not benefit children?
There are many styles (types) of upbringing. However, not all of them can be described as toxic. The most negative variants of the manifestation of maternal love, as a rule, include the aggressive form, overprotection and the mother's tendency to perfectionism. What characterizes such forms of love and how are they dangerous for the child himself?
Three types of toxic mother
Aggressor. This is a mother who believes that the child belongs only to her, she gave birth to him for herself. She is not going to indulge his desires and give even the slightest independence in actions. She is always unhappy with the child's behavior, expressing negative in a harsh form: with shouts, reproaches and punishments that do not exclude physical ones. The aggressor mother believes that the birth of a child is a feat, therefore everyone should look at her and be proud of her, and the child owes his birth only to her. The main model of upbringing boils down to how to teach a child to owe his whole life and how to pay these debts to her. Such children, growing up, absolutely do not trust the world, they are always closed, building any relationship is just torment for them. Ultimately, the child chooses the role of the victim or becomes the same aggressor.
Perfectionist. For such a mother, everything must be perfect, and the child must also be perfect. Everything that he - a child - does and will do in the future must also be ideal. The main model of behavior of such a mother is control over all the actions of her child and his observance of all the established rules. Constant checks, new requirements and again control - and so on ad infinitum. A minimum of sympathy, emotion and pity, a maximum of consistency, firmness and obstinacy - this is a portrait of a perfectionist mother. For a child, such upbringing guarantees that in the future he will always be dissatisfied with himself and the people around him. Everything that he will do, in his opinion, is not good enough, and in order to achieve the ideal, it should be done even better. In addition, such children are most often not confident in themselves, because they are always waiting for an assessment of their activities, and, without receiving it, they simply do not know how to proceed. Even having achieved what they want in work, relationships, career, business or money, such people will never be happy with the result. If the child cannot achieve any heights in life, then the result can be persistent depression.
Hyper caring mom. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with taking care of a child. But, if in the child's life everything is decided by the mother, all actions and even desires and thoughts are under her control, then as a result the child is not capable of making any decisions and all responsibility for his life is transferred to the mother. Any situations that arise both in childhood and in adulthood will be resolved only with the permission and approval of the mother. If the mother does not give advice or decides that one should act differently, then the person will only act as the mother wants. Gradually, his own desires completely disappear, and he is not able to realize himself in life. Such people very often remain alone or create couples where the partner will play the role of a mother.
