The most important human need is to respect himself, to understand that he is no worse than others, and to believe in his inner strength.
This need is not always understood by our relatives. It often happens that the head of the family tries to suppress his loved ones and even humiliates them. As a consequence of this attitude, there is resentment from the wife and children. In turn, the wife also has requirements for her husband, and if they are not met, the effect of unfulfilled expectations is triggered, the result of which will again be resentment.
Relationships between loved ones and the situation in the family are made up of little things, from small events: common affairs, holidays, as well as quarrels and conflicts. If the negativity is not removed, stress will accumulate, which will lead to serious problems in the relationship between spouses.
Now the woman is mainly responsible for the stability of family relations, so she has to take the initiative into her own hands and sort out family problems. For a start, it's worth deciding - why am I offended by my husband? For example, here is a list of grievances of one woman:
- does not make money (which means that he does not seek to provide for his family)
- does not take part in the upbringing of children (and therefore does not like them)
- says that he does not respect women (which means that he does not respect me)
This attitude towards her husband creates a psychological block that prevents her from communicating with her husband - she looks at him as an enemy. Because in the subconscious the thought firmly settled down: "He does not love me, does not love children. It means that he is a bad person." Gradually, the image of a husband in the eyes of his wife acquires more and more sinister features, and after another scandal there is such a strong resentment against her husband, against life, against herself, that at least shoot yourself.
It is impossible to live constantly in resentment, so the moment of reconciliation comes, for a while everything is fine again. But a trace of resentment remains, and the following quarrels will lead to even stronger emotions. How to overcome this condition? This is not easy to do, especially if the spouses have been living for a long time and the stress has accumulated. But if you wish, it is possible.
The most effective way to overcome resentment is by speaking. You need to tell each other everything that worries, what makes you happy, what hurts and annoys. According to the findings of family psychologists, spouses who have lived together for 20 years may not know each other's needs at all, simply because they do not talk about them. For example, as a wife who ate bread crusts all her life, although she did not like them, but gave the pulp to her husband. And he loved the crust, but did not dare to deprive his wife of his favorite delicacy and was silent. Throughout their lives, they have not even figured out such a trifle, what can we say about more global things …
And there are families where spouses write letters to each other. What they cannot say out loud, they write like a letter and give to the one they are offended at. They found it because they wanted clarity in the relationship, and they achieved it. One venerable couple still send sound messages to a friend to a friend, recording them on an old cassette recorder. They lived together for 40 years.
If your family doesn't share your concerns with each other, start by asking. Ask how your husband is doing at work. Even in the case of a monosyllabic answer on the second and third day, ask again. Work takes an important place in a man's life, sooner or later he will start talking and you will become closer to each other. Be sure to remember what he told you, and the next time ask something more specific about his work, tell us about yours - this way the contact will become closer, and you will begin to understand your spouse more.
Psychologists say that every woman should educate her husband all her life, and not be offended by him. With caress, love, gentleness, a woman will do much more than shouts and tears. Try one very effective exercise that will help you see yourself through the eyes of your husband - this will remove 50% of the resentment. Imagine that you are your husband (it is better to close your eyes). Here you come home from work and your wife meets you. What picture is in your imagination now? How do you see yourself through the eyes of your husband? What is positive and what is negative about you? How do you move, talk, what is your attitude towards your husband? How does he react to you? (Exercise from the book by Svetlana Peunova "My home is my fortress").
Do this exercise more often, and you will understand a lot in your relationship with your husband, and you will be less offended by him. The fact is that the reasons for our resentment lie much deeper than we imagine. Therefore, it is important to understand yourself, in your attitude to life in general. Perhaps you demand too much from your husband, but he does not want or cannot give it to you, and responds with aggression like a man.
Decide on your requirements and imagine that your husband will demand the same from you - will you like it? Any man wants his family to be cozy, warm and joyful. He loves both his wife and children, but in his own way, like a man, and often does not know how to express his love. Try to talk to your husband sincerely about your concerns. And whatever the result, he will definitely appreciate it.
