We all dream of being heard. But what if you imagine that you are not only listened to, but every time you get what you just started the conversation for? There are several methods to help you achieve this.
How often do we find ourselves in situations when it is vital for us to convince the interlocutor of something, to influence his decision, to win over to our side. Fortunately, there are aspects that we are able to influence: the mood of the interlocutors and their attitude to the topic of conversation.
A Persuasive Environment
There are a number of fundamentals that are important to any conversation.
- Suitable environment. Try to choose a place for conversation where there will be a minimum of annoying factors, unless, of course, your goal is not to unsettle the other person.
- Maintaining eye contact. Of course, you don't need to look closely, as eye contact for more than 10 seconds can be confusing. But avoiding eye contact is also a bad tactic, since this behavior is perceived as an attempt to hide something important.
- Watch your posture. Your posture should be open during a conversation. Do not cross your arms and do not lower your head, or the interlocutor will think that you are unpleasant to talk to him. Also, an important trick is to unobtrusively "mirror" the interlocutor's gestures.
- Be polite and compliment. So that your praise does not look like rude flattery, you should not praise the interlocutor himself, but something dear to him, for example, his children, beloved cat or car.
- Build sentences not in an accusatory tone, but as "I-messages". Instead of: "You are constantly late, I'm already tired of this!" - use the wording: "I am very upset and worried when you are late and do not warn about it. Suddenly something happened." Agree, the difference is significant.
Learn to persuade on a subconscious level
To prevent your interlocutor from catching you manipulating, you need to act directly on his subconscious.
The most important weapon of persuasion is the voice. Make sure it is resonant, but not overly loud or high. Try to soften the timbre of your voice. To do this, you can use special exercises, of which there are many on the Internet. Also remember about the emotional color: the voice should be with friendly intonations. Don't forget to smile too.
Call the person you are talking to by name often.
Use phrases that increase the person's importance: "I need to know your opinion", "I want to consult with you", etc.
Build the conversation so that the most important information comes at the beginning and end of the conversation. It is this information that is best perceived.
In order not to look unfounded, putting forward your ideas, support them with life examples. For example, trying to convince a friend to throw a birthday party, tell us how one of your friends later regretted not celebrating her anniversary.
It's also important to look interested in the conversation. Demonstrate reflective listening by asking the following questions:
- find out the details about the subject the person is talking about, and problems with a few clarifying questions;
- try to rephrase what you hear in your own words to show that you get the main idea;
- sum up everything you heard in one phrase;
- try to guess the feelings of the interlocutor and voice them.
Determine the social role of the persuaded
According to the theory of the famous Canadian scientist E. Berne, personality has 3 states: Child, Parent and Adult. Normal conversation happens when it is conducted at the following levels:
- Adult - Adult;
- Parent - Parent;
- Child - Child;
- Parent - Child.
Your main task is to understand at what level your interlocutor is, and to take the appropriate level yourself. You can determine the level of the interlocutor by his gestures, manner of speech, posture and facial expression. The parent is prone to hypercontrol. The child is open to communication, spontaneous and emotional, he often operates with phrases: "I want", "I love", "I am sad", etc. Sometimes you can meet a weak Child who is trying in every possible way to please the interlocutor. An adult is ready to take full responsibility for himself, he is cold-blooded, ready to analyze the situation. It is worth starting an important conversation from the Adult level.
Most importantly, remember that you need to prepare for any important conversation in advance: think over the arguments and counterarguments, analyze the personality of the interlocutor and think about the course of the conversation. All of this will help you effectively convince the person of anything.
