To get rid of the painful sensations, our psyche has invented powerful defenses against shame. Some of them are surprising: at first glance, shame is useless, but in fact, it is he who drives certain types of behavior.
The escape
When we touch something hot, we automatically remove our hand. So a person can "automatically" run from shame, avoid it. Often times, people try to maintain a "safe distance" in relationships so as not to face shame. The flip side of this strategy is the feeling of loneliness, the inability to build close and deep relationships. Because in any long-term relationship, sooner or later you will have to open up.
Perfectionism
If the slightest mistake causes an excruciating wave of shame, the person will do everything to never be wrong. These attempts turn her into an avid perfectionist. "Not bad" or "good enough" will never satisfy such people, everything must be perfect. Unfortunately, people spend a lot of effort following this strategy.
Superiority
The dismissive, arrogant person simply transfers his shame to others. She expects special rights, special treatment, confirmation of her uniqueness. Deeply hidden self-doubt and desire to avoid shame are the main drivers of this mechanism. Impudence seems to make a person inaccessible to the criticism of "ordinary mortals." The stronger the unconscious shame, the more aggressive the person will require distinction, rewards and recognition in order to maintain their inaccessibility.
Exhibitionism
Here we are not talking about the habit of undressing in public, but rather indicative of provocative, demonstrative behavior. The person attracts undue attention to himself. Does what others are shy about. Behaves as if the everyday norms of modesty and decency simply do not exist. Such a person may seem shameless, but they are not. This is the most paradoxical defense against shame.
Anger and rage
People feel cornered in anger. The idea that someone will see their shame is unbearable, so it is easier to get angry, angry, attack, so long as their secret is not revealed. Some chronically angry people may view the world as a dangerous place, where others do nothing but judge them. A lot of energy is also spent on such protection.
