We often make mistakes in people. Mistakes are especially painful when we take fake friendships at face value. How to determine who is in front of you - a faithful friend or a hidden ill-wisher, skillfully pretending to be a friend?
If we spend a lot of time with a person, wandering around city cafes or chatting on the phone, this does not mean that there is a real friend next to us. Mistakes in fake friends can cost us dearly - from specific evil in our personal life to a career collapse, and when faced with a fake relationship that was considered friendly, we can experience a sea of destructive emotions: from a slight sobering shock to severe life disappointment. How to determine who is in front of you - friend or foe?
And it's easier to define than it seems. The main thing is not to deceive yourself and to look objectively at the relationship. If a "friend" brings negativity into life, if you constantly feel yourself "beaten" morally in the process of communication, if you do not understand why his mood spoils in his presence, and with indirect participation troubles and losses occur - you should think carefully about whether to continue trusting relationship.
What are the signs of a phony friendship?
- After communication, you do not feel uplift, joy, pleasant mood, faith in yourself, opportunities, abilities. Instead, there is a feeling of nervous tension, moral exhaustion, irritation, disappointment in their strengths, abilities, work, creativity.
- It is difficult for you to share problems or talk about a joyful event or achievement, as you feel that it will be underestimated, and you yourself will face mockery, sarcastic irony and skepticism towards whatever you say.
- They are trying to impose on you the idea that your life priorities are worthless, and any changes in your life are for the worse. Things that are important to you receive a low rating, an increased portion of criticism, or outwardly they are not given importance.
- A fake friend will ignore your successes, and will blame you for failures, accentuating the weaknesses and shortcomings of your personality. As a rule, this does not offer anything constructive, and the "teachings" boil down to how stupid you are (weak, unlucky), and something is "forever" wrong with you.
- Do you have different social, financial, educational levels? Different values in life? Take a close look. Perhaps you are just being used.
- Honestly try to answer yourself: what is the motivation for this friendship, what do you expect in this relationship, what is expected of you? What do you get from this relationship and what do you give back in it? Selfless relationships are rare in today's pragmatic society. But even a self-serving relationship can be turned into a win-win and turn into true friendship. However, in such cases, business goals or specific needs are voiced honestly, without assurances of disinterested friendship.
Real attitude comes through in the little things. Observe how the person you consider to be a friend treats you. Does he push you into negative habits, does he quarrel with your loved ones? Was it such that, thanks to meeting with him, you had trouble - you drank too much, deceived a loved one, experienced real damage, moral or material? Does your friend often break promises? Doesn't he appear only when he needs something? Did you help you when you were in trouble? Did you support in joy? Does he often lie to you? Answering these questions honestly will keep you from being under delusion.
You do not need to see hidden enemies in all people, communication with whom brings trouble. It is important to understand who is in front of you - a conscious enemy or an unconscious ill-wisher? The conscientious enemy is secretive, and it is precisely this enemy that is most difficult to bring to the surface. Such a trap for another has been preparing for years if he wants to take revenge for something. Sometimes a secret enemy, cleverly pretending to be a friend, enters into trust so much that then he can easily destroy your whole life - both personal and social. With those who unconsciously harm you, you will feel awkward, bad luck and chronic fatigue.
Is your friend a loser or a gray person, does he pretend to be anything in life? Such people often have unconscious envy, jealousy, or the desire to lower your "rating" in order to balance inferiority complexes. If a friend emphasizes a lack of ambition, know that he will try his best to quietly lower your self-esteem, pull you down. Such friends often contribute to the fact that you become the same gray, uninteresting loser, it is easier for them to communicate with you this way.
Quiet envious people are dangerous. Does your friend keep his eyes on your companion or companion? Speaks out loud flattering compliments to your soul mate, emphasizing his loyalty during small misunderstandings or temporary discord? Admires the car, the house and at the same time says that he would like the same benefits, but "not with his happiness"? You should be extremely careful when dealing with such people. It is these quiet people who take girls and guys away, "sit up" at work, blurt out the secrets you have entrusted to your ill-wishers, or gossip and discuss you behind your back.
A true friend is not necessarily a comfortable person. He may be outraged if he feels inequality in a relationship, requires help with the use of all your opportunities and connections in order to become equal. He will not discuss his "soul mate", comparing with yours, he will not tear him away from his family and delay with a glass of beer, if you are expected at home. Your success will be perceived with undisguised joy and admiration, despite the jokingly poignant remark that you do not deserve such luck. A true friend can make you a scandal if he feels inattention and ignorance, tells you the truth in your face - but he will do it in private, and not in public. Criticizing the fruits of your activity, he will definitely tell you how to improve the situation. He does not feel sorry for the time if you are in trouble, although outwardly this is sometimes accompanied by grumbling. He may have a bad temper! But this person has the main quality: he will never betray you.
