Some people clearly know what they want, know how to achieve their goals and defend their positions, while others are not able to take a step without someone else's help. Why is this happening?
Katya chooses a green dress in the store, because all her friends approved it, prefers music that is in the top of music programs and agrees with the opinion of the majority, taking their decision for her own.
If you ask this fictional Katya a question what exactly she wants, the answer will be short: "I don't know." And after all, she is no exception, among us there are a lot of such "Kats" of different ages, professions and even gender. Yes, men who are not able to make decisions on their own also exist.
To understand the essence of what is happening, it is necessary to return to childhood again, where, most likely, an anxious mother is present and the following happens: the child is simply not allowed to make independent decisions, no matter what they concern. “Take off that awful sweater and put on the one I bought you,” “Where is studying to be an actor? What nonsense? You go to lawyers, they pay well there,” and stuff like that. It is understandable, his parents love him, worry and want the best. It did not even occur to them that, in this way, they teach their child to give up their desires. So you shouldn't blame them.
At first, of course, any child with a healthy psyche rebelles, demands his own, does in defiance, but over time, under strict control and pressure, he simply gives up and gets used to doing as caring parents tell him. It turns out a very comfortable offspring - he does not want anything, does not be capricious and does everything that is ordered to him. And with a sense of guilt to boot. After all, as adults say, trying to impose their own? "We want what is best for you, we try, but you do not appreciate, ungrateful." And he is grateful: every time he wants something, objectionable to mom or dad, he will feel like a real traitor, almost Judas. And then what?
Many years later, we see in front of us a seemingly adult person, intelligent and beautiful, who can fully exist only in merging with someone: first these are parents, then friends, husbands and wives. Alone, he is anxious and lonely, and why, he does not understand. This is a fertile ground for the development of neurosis and the manifestation of all its "charms" in the form of phobias, vd, etc. And thank God if this happens: the suppressed parts will begin to rage, forcing a person to deal with themselves, and this is personal growth, reassessment of values and finding your real self.
