It is not easy to say no and not offend if you are not familiar with communication technologies or have not attended specialized trainings. We are stopped by the fear of offending the interlocutor, as well as the fear that the person who has received a refusal from us will reject us in the future, refuse us our requests. In everyday life, we are constantly faced with situations where we need to say no. We are inundated with requests from our friends, colleagues, relatives and salespeople. And we, fearing of offending them, agree to refuse even against our own will.
Overview of reject tricks that don't always work
On the Internet and in popular publications, many techniques have been published to refuse an annoying interlocutor or say no in a sale situation. The names of these failure technologies speak for themselves. The techniques "wasting time" and "I have plans" prescribe to take a break for reflection, but as a result, the risk of offending by refusal does not decrease, but is only postponed for later. The Precautionary Advice encourages you to avoid meeting a manipulator or bypass situations when you may be asked. The techniques "Usually I don't …" and "Controlled stupidity" introduce the reader to speech phrases that turn him into a manipulator of the feelings and behavior of another person. We need such a technology to say "no" so as not to lose face and maintain the respect of the person whom we refuse.
Psychological preparation for a situation of refusal
Most people understand that it takes enviable confidence and calmness to say no. At a time when an insecure person blushes, fusses and looks away, a confident interlocutor refuses easily and freely. It is the psychological readiness for this situation and the knowledge of the refusal technology that makes him confident so as not to offend another person. You can get psychological training at assertiveness trainings and confident behavior seminars. It is possible with the task “to become confident in communication” to seek help from a psychologist. And you can gain situational confidence by using the "Pose of the English Queen" technique. To do this, after hearing a request in your address, take a deep breath, lift your chin, straighten your shoulders and, looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, apply the technology of refusal.
The technology to say no and not offend a person
So, the main difficulty in refusal is to save your face and not offend the interlocutor, which means maintaining the respect and disposition of the person asking for you. The technology of saying no directly and unequivocally invites you to say no to a person's request while still saying yes to the person's personality. What does this mean? This means that you must show the person that he is important to you, give him significance, express gratitude. And at the same time, refuse him (just something) in the request.
This is what a dialogue with your colleague who asks for a loan might look like.
A colleague comes up to you at lunchtime and ingratiatingly asks: "Listen, help me out (pleading look), I want to grab a couple of thousand rubles from you before payday."
In a few seconds, you take the “queen's pose” and looking into the eyes of your colleague, say in a soft and confident voice: (say “yes” to the personality of the interlocutor). (refuse his request).
If your work colleague makes another attempt to beg you for money, you continue to say "no" to his request in a short phrase, in a firm voice:..
You no longer need to repeat the entire phrase in its entirety, and you use the "hackneyed record" technique, repeating "no" until the interlocutor leaves you behind with his request. In a situation of greater psychological distance, for example, in dealing with an obsessive trader, you can reinforce your second "no" at the bodily level by turning your back to the seller.
Practice queen pose and the ability to say no in a firm, confident voice at home over the mirror. Practice refusing while respecting strangers before saying no and not offending loved ones.
