At first glance, the ability to regret characterizes a person on the positive side. There are times when support and comfort are needed. However, pity can be destructive, draining and interfering with your life and your loved ones.
The origins of pity
More often than not, women tend to feel too sorry for those around them, who are often raised accordingly, although men also have this disadvantage. "Have pity on your grandmother, she is tired and cannot play with you", "Mom never sat down at work, don't you feel sorry for her?" - such phrases form the impression that it is good and right to feel sorry for loved ones. However, if you wish, you can find reasons for pity every day. Therefore, it is important to be able to stop in time.
How pity hurts
Although you have the best intentions, pity can hurt those close to you. She does not encourage you to work on yourself and change anything in your life. A person who is pitied can suffer for years at an unloved job and worry that he is not able to do anything around the house. If he regularly receives support, he will be treated like a patient, trying only to please him, relieve him of all household troubles so as not to aggravate the situation, it is unlikely that anything will change. It will be worse from this both to the one who is pitied and to the object of pity.
Is it worth it to regret
You feel pity for a friend who suffers with a capricious wife, for your mother, who, with the advent of retirement age, left her career and moved to a dacha, for a school friend who has no children. However, there is a chance that these people, upon learning of your reaction, will be surprised and even offended. Talk to them and pity can disappear after their honest answers. A friend may well be happy, indulging his wife's whims and feeling at the same time a strong man-earner. Mom finds growing roses much more peaceful than reporting. The friend is happy in her loneliness and devotes all the time to self-realization. These people do not need your pity, since they themselves are satisfied with everything.
More than pity
Think, are your loved ones worthy of only pity, or, perhaps, they are capable of evoking different emotions in you? Remember their recent successes, note the personal qualities that they possess. They probably deserve love, pride, admiration. Periodically remind yourself that these are independent and strong people, and then the desire to hug them to your chest and cry together over their fate will visit you less and less.
Help instead of pity
Instead of feeling sorry for your loved one, try to help him. If the person asserts their problem on their own, sit down and come up with a solution together. The husband is not satisfied with the job - open a website with vacancies, put together a resume and send it to a potential employer. The son had a fight with his peers - wash his abrasions and write them down in the karate section. A friend complains about the lack of money - offer her to earn some money in your office.
