In modern society, it is customary to think that children should always evoke affection. But some people only feel annoyed when they see children. What is behind such hostility and is it possible to change the state of affairs?
In modern society, it seems strange to be indifferent to other people's children. Although tribal communities do not show much sympathy for other people's children and many animals are aggressively opposed to other people's offspring, people still continue to reproach others for the lack of expected affection.
When Adult prevails
According to the theory of Canadian scientist Eric Berne, our "I" can be in three different states: Child, Parent and Adult. We either copy the behavior of our parents and act out the scenario of their life, or we behave as we did in childhood, or we act consciously as a matured adult.
It is quite possible that behind the dislike for children lies the Adult, who in all possible ways restrains such manifestations of the Child as spontaneity and emotionality. The reasons can be different: lack of an example of a caring parent in childhood, failure to encourage the manifestation of these traits in childhood, etc.
Thus, a person, while communicating with a child, faces an alternative choice: either to plunge into the state of a Child, entering into a child's play, or to remain in the state of an Adult, putting on a serious look. Such a person is in the condition of a Parent to be uncomfortable. On a subconscious level, the individual refuses to give what he did not receive in his childhood, and even envies the too spoiled child. And if through his children he can try to get rid of old traumas, giving the child something that he himself did not have, then other people's children are only an unpleasant reminder of "sick" episodes.
Be more tolerant of yourself first. Think about what activities for children would please you, and do them. As silly as it sounds, this approach will help you resolve your inner conflict.
When a person is afraid of being exposed
Typically, children are open to expressing their emotions, while most adults hide their true feelings and diligently control their behavior. Moreover, sometimes true desires can even hide from themselves. Children are very perceptive and without ceremony can embarrass us by exposing us. And if we can still silence our child, we cannot influence someone else's. Hence the discomfort: when a person wants to hide something, he subconsciously feels that the child sees right through him and will not remain silent.
Give yourself a break. You don't have to feel "right", emotions are your own business. And if in your actions you are obliged to obey the rules of the society in which you live, then in your feelings you do not. Give yourself freedom, and you will have nothing to expose.
When a person realizes his imperfection
Often, next to other people's children, we realize our failure as a parent. We are defensive for fear that another child's parent, who is softer or more strict than us, will judge us. Therefore, we see someone else's baby as ill-mannered, too noisy and disobedient.
Arguing, we rely on the following logic: if someone else's child behaves badly, then his parent is raising him badly, and we are raising our child in a different way and, therefore, we are doing well. And in this case, dislike for other people's children is an indicator of low self-esteem and the desire to find confirmation of the correctness of their actions.
Stop worrying about evaluating your parenting method. There are no ideal parents, your task is to give your child everything that is possible, and most importantly - love and care. Understand why you are so afraid of criticism as a parent in your address and get rid of this fear.
