There is no closer connection than the one that arises between parent and child. Flesh from flesh, blood from blood - and, nevertheless, there are thousands of sad stories in the relationship between "fathers and children", there are conflicts and alienations.
In the image and likeness
Nobody is perfect: this is a salvation phrase and an excuse phrase. But parents, often with the best of intentions, take away from their child the right to be imperfect. They put someone else's load on their fragile shoulders - "Become better than me, become the best - but only as I say." The little man is dependent on his parents and wants to make them happy. But if his parents do not listen to him, attempts to go to meet them will end, he will stop talking about himself and grow up to be a complete stranger to his parents. "You were such a good boy, and now …" - should be read as "You didn't have your opinion, but now you have it (and I don't like it)."
Do not try to come up with for your child what he likes and what he wants to do. Listen to him, discuss events around you with him and take his opinion into account. Now it is immature and naive, but by sharing it with you, the child gives you a trust that is easy to lose.
Childhood language
Imagine that you are interacting with a cat. A cat is an intelligent creature with its own rules of communication. She is developed enough to take offense at you, feel sympathy for you and understand what you want from her … if you say it in her language. How do you show a cat where her litter box is? Take it there as a mother cat would carry a kitten - it's ridiculous to imagine that you are explaining to her “the first door to the left” in human terms.
You are an adult, intelligent and strong. And your child learns from you. It seems to you that you do not understand your child when he is crying in the store, but in fact the child does not understand you. You bought bread, milk - what does it mean “no money for a toy”? He has no concept of economics and family budget. And your task is to choose the very words and images that the child will understand. Do not try to intimidate him with difficult words - only upset him, and you will not teach anything new. For your child, life is now an intensive course of study. You will become a good teacher of life if you can find the right words for each “level of difficulty”, for each age.
Remember everything
Memory is an insidious thing. On the one hand, it is the memories of yourself as a child that can give you the key to understanding. On the other hand, all these phrases and thoughts like “I wasn’t like that”, “They didn’t do that in my years” are traps that will alienate you from your child. Remember that he doesn't have to be like you. This is your child, but not your clone: a separate person, a small universe with which you need to communicate and reckon with, which you need to learn, albeit from the position of an elder.
You are the main protector of your child. But as soon as protection develops into imprisonment - among the templates, fears, complexes of yourself - understanding disappears and hidden and obvious conflicts begin, which will come back to haunt, perhaps, only years later. Therefore, remain sensitive and patient - and the child himself will reach out to you and help you understand him, and moreover, in the future, he will definitely understand you.
