The adolescent crisis is understood as the child's desire to become an adult, more or less independent. As a rule, parents are not ready for this. In our society, for some reason, it is generally accepted that adolescents are difficult, uncontrollable, and so on. And that the crisis period will pass and everything will be fine. Yes it is.
However, the whole future life of the child will depend on exactly how it will pass. Therefore, here it is important for parents to be aware and attentive to this stage in the development of the personality of a maturing person. It is difficult for him, and he needs your help.
Growing up can be compared to cutting off the umbilical cord at birth. After all, children are connected with their parents by invisible ties. Adolescence is the moment in life when this connection must move to a new level. One umbilical cord is cut off and a completely new one is formed.
If the parents do not understand this, the process is very painful, as a result of which the relationship deteriorates. They then take years to recover. The worst case scenario is when the conflict persists and the relationship remains hostile for life.
In this case, you can just expect what all parents are so afraid of: that the teenager will start drinking, smoking and injecting drugs. He will do it out of protest, not because he wants to. In this he will look for reassurance and that pleasure that he does not receive from good relations with his parents.
The teenager will find the same disadvantaged as himself, and they will unite in a group. And then there are many different scenarios.
Teenagers also perform “feats” of this kind, which makes them antisocial elements, even criminals. And all this is just a teenage show off. But he has “ours” - friends who understand and support. And he begins to consider his parents almost enemies.
How can you help with this?
Communication, discussion and conversation.
As soon as parents notice a manifestation of disagreement with their decisions, refusal from ordinary affairs or some other protest - you need to sit down at a round negotiating table and discuss new conditions for cooperation in the family.
It is cooperation, not rivalry and not declaring "who is in charge here." And certainly not violence - neither mental nor physical, no matter how much you want. Just remember that this does not solve the problem.
In negotiations, it is important to take into account the main circumstance: if a child asserts some of his rights, let him also accept responsibilities. Explain that he is becoming an adult and that adults have a lot of things to do, work, problems, and responsibilities.
For example, while he cannot earn money and this is done by his parents, he can help around the house or go to the store. There are always things to do, and if they are evenly distributed among family members, then everyone feels confident and calm in her.
That is, while he lives with you, he lives by your rules.
The outcome of the discussion may vary. Someone agrees to be on duty, someone decides to stay in childhood. Someone will incur duties a little, and then decide to abandon them - this is also possible.
There is a problem when a teenager decides to remain a child forever. And then we are already talking about "eternal adolescents", when a thirty-year-old man does not want to take on any responsibility at all.
About this crisis in the life of frustrated adults - in the next article.
Output
The takeaway on this topic is that by discussing general issues with respect for the adolescent's opinion, relationships can be made warm and sincere. Then adolescence will pass painlessly and imperceptibly.
But in any case, it is important to let your child know that you love him anyway, no matter what decision he makes in the negotiations.
One day your son or your daughter will grow up, and they will no longer want to protest and show off, and they will become more responsible and it will become easier to communicate with them.
A new stage in their life will come, at which the help of parents will also be important - do not forget about it.
