Words like “I love you” or “I love her / him” are the most mysterious miracle in the world. Everyone who says them means completely different things. This article is devoted to the difference between love and addiction.
There are 4 main neurotransmitters in humans that are responsible for everything we do. But, first of all, for the feeling of our happiness: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphin. Accordingly, the same number of love addictions: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin.
The dopamine type of love is falling in love that lasts three years. She is normally very useful, important, necessary. This is a very strong feeling, so some people need 5 times to get bogged down in it up to their ears, so that then by about 30 years old they get used to it a little, gain a certain resistance, tolerance to this feeling and understand that this is not true love yet.
Dopamine love is responsible for making the object of love a goal, an object of lust, desire, to achieve its reciprocity. Dopamine strongly stimulates, gives strength and motivation to action. Therefore, I want to take steps, call, write, go on dates. Also, dopamine makes a person want to be better than they really are. In general, dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for the formation of all addictions: alcoholism, computer games, etc. Dopamine is a feeling of strength, attraction, desire.
The first three years in any relationship, it is this type of attachment that predominates, for the docking of different characters with each other. It becomes a pathology only if a person uses only this type of attachment, without developing and deepening his relationship. Today the environment and culture provide us with many opportunities for this. This is called Don Juan syndrome. It manifests itself in the desire to conquer a person, achieve reciprocity, and then quit. This leads to promiscuity - a constant change of sexual partners, in which everyone becomes on the same person over time and does not cause interest. Such a man is a bachelor, considers himself to be "recovered", but in essence he is unhappy and lonely. Such a woman is looking for a prince on a white horse, but failing to form a deep type of affection for him, she again loses interest.
Love is, first of all, an attitude towards a person, that is, an intention (often called reason by the people), and not just a feeling. This is the desire to receive not only superficial, stimulating, disturbing emotions, it is the desire to know everything together with this person, different facets of being. Examine everything thoroughly.
The next type of love is serotonin. Serotonin is responsible for respect and status in the hierarchy: how important we are, needed, cool and who I am. Serotonin is glee, triumph, when you are very pleased with yourself, you really want to laugh, this is a feeling of pride and vanity, triumph, victory. The whole stake is on becoming someone important, necessary, in order to then enjoy this feeling, given to you by another person.
when some people start to use flirting and cheating very heavily. That is, relationships are teeming with betrayal, the suffering of children, that is, when meanness arises in them.
The oxytocin type of attachment is heavenly, this hormone is responsible for tenderness and for intimacy. The basis in biological living relationships is the relationship between mother and baby. When a mother, due to her sensitive concern, subtle attunement to the child, perfectly feels all his needs, practically without words. Oxytocin intimacy is a very pleasant warm feeling that envelops a person in waves. It is associated with empathy and is prosperous. With such closeness, you immerse yourself in a person as in space, this feeling is very gentle, and after it, pleasant, soft waste.
in some women and men, it becomes because it causes codependency. When it is impossible to maintain a healthy distance in a relationship with a person, and all the time you want to love him. For this, the object to which this feeling is directed is made helpless on purpose. Situations are created that he needs you, because, in fact, you cannot be alone and be yourself. This is a strong violation of personality boundaries. Such excessive proximity is not good, it interferes with the development of the object at which it is directed. Codependents are more often people whose parents were alcoholics or drug addicts. This is explained by the fact that under the influence of alcoholic intoxication, the parent developed a state of blissful ignorance, which a child in need of love took for the desired delight, intimacy and acceptance. Women are more oxytocinic creatures than men. But women are the daughters of alcoholics or drug addicts - these are the most oxytocin creatures. Such a woman with her behavior can spoil her son. Because in any, even in close relationship, there must be a certain healthy distance.
Respect and acceptance of a person for who he is. The opportunity for him to be separate, independent, independent.
Endorphin addiction is associated with experiencing pleasure from physical pain that one partner inflicts on the other in a relationship. Sometimes it can be expressed in a surprisingly irrational and difficult to correct tolerance for physical abuse in relationships (here it is neurobiological aspects, not social or psychological). Or in adherence to sadomasochistic elements.
