Each person decides whether to forgive the offense inflicted on him. Before making this decision, you need to be aware of the impact of resentment on relationships. The inability to forgive greatly complicates the life of the person himself and the people around him.
Resentment and relationship
Almost all people, sooner or later in their lives, are faced with resentment. Someone quickly forgets about such an incident, while someone cannot forgive the offender for a long time. There are grievances that should not be forgiven. But there are no universal recommendations on this score. Every person has boundaries beyond which he cannot forgive. At the same time, hardly anyone will deny that resentment is a negative quality.
With a person who does not forgive anything, it is difficult to build relationships with others. In addition, a latent resentment is always a heavy burden on a person's shoulders. On one side of the scale there is always resentment, and on the other - the desire to improve relations. If we are talking about a person who is not very necessary and important to you, you can simply forget the offense. But when the relationship with him is of great importance to you, you should sort out your feelings and try to forgive. This will make it much easier to build relationships. Despite the fact that most often we deeply take offense at the people dear to us.
If you are greatly offended by a person close to you, you need to sit down at the negotiating table. Understand what happened. This is sometimes very difficult to do. But it's always worth remembering that the other person's gaze is completely different from yours. He may not know that he has offended you. Try to understand the abuser's motives and why he did this to you. Was this intent to harm you? Or was it an accident? Or maybe the offender is unaware of your feelings?
Why resentment is needed
Forgiveness is more necessary for the one who has been offended. The repentance of the offender is not always necessary in order to let go of the anger towards him. Try to track down why you are holding a grudge against the person. It is not uncommon for a person to deliberately evoke feelings of guilt and manipulate the offender. It is unlikely that such a relationship can be called sincere.
There is another version of a strong resentment: when a person keeps it to himself. In this case, she destroys him from the inside, directs his life towards self-destruction. After all, subconsciously, we wish the abuser death.
Resentment is always a requirement for a certain attitude or behavior towards oneself. To forgive, you need to figure out whether such a requirement is really adequate or is it just pride and pride.
Forgiving strong grievances always requires a lot of psychological effort and time. But the psychological comfort and calmness in the moment of letting go of anger is always worth it. Do not hope that once you decide to forgive, the resentment will evaporate. It takes time to forgive a deep hurt. That being said, the sooner you begin to deal with your feelings, the better. When the resentment lives in the mind for a long time, over time it takes on more and more sinister features, and it becomes more difficult to forgive.
