Touchy people tire others. Resentment destroys psychological comfort in communication and negatively affects the mental health of the offended person. Why is it important to rid yourself of resentment? How do you do it?
What is resentment?
Resentment arises most often as a result of the discrepancy between our plans and reality. Deceived expectations give rise in a person to unconscious claims to the world around him and people. Resentment is dissatisfaction with events or a certain person, their social status, appearance, and in general - life in which, as it seems to the offended person, there is not enough of the goods he needs: love, warmth, or more material things - money, comfort, success, highly appreciated.
The negative is directed at a certain person or group of people and, as a rule, leads either to an external conflict, or to “self-eating”. Resentment, expressed externally, inevitably leads to alienation, to the loss of ties with loved ones, to the destruction of relationships, to scandals.
Resentment experienced in silence entails no less serious consequences: evil directed inward, as a rule, leads to psychological destabilization, mental disorders, and bodily ailments.
Physically, a person experiencing an offense weakens, becomes less hardy, more vulnerable to disease. The psyche also suffers: chronic grievances can lead to depression, to obsessive states. Doctors suggest that being oversensitive can lead to manic-depressive psychosis. Another serious consequence, according to doctors, can be cancer. In a state of resentment, the work of the brain is disrupted, perception is distorted, and immunity is reduced.
Offended, a person cannot think constructively, work fully, enjoy life, "everything falls out of his hands", he can be haunted by failures. Even the feeling of love, tainted by resentment, takes on the character of a painful dependence, a “damned” attachment of the offended to the offender, and over time it can develop into real hatred.
Resentment as a tool to achieve a goal
Another characteristic of demonstrative resentment is the tendency to manipulate. Usually, ostentatious resentment is used as a psychological weapon in a relationship to make a person feel guilty. Through remorse, driven by sympathy or pity, a person becomes more pliant, and more often than not gives us what we want. True, sometimes we get what we want only formally.
Too much manipulation with resentment leads to a loss of sincerity in the relationship. And sooner or later a moment comes when we are either given what we are trying to achieve, as if trying to get rid of annoying claims - or they stop reacting to insults, simply not noticing them. Often times, such an emasculated relationship simply ends and feelings fade away.
How to overcome resentment?
Avoid emotions. Imagine that you have changed places with the abuser. Try to understand it. Perhaps the person does not even suspect about your problems, and neither sleep, nor spirit, as they say, does not know that you are offended? Was his rudeness caused by personal pain? Or maybe you unknowingly caused this pain?
Try to take the circumstances, the people around you - for granted. Think about what can be improved, and what can you put up with?
Remember: you cannot improve your own life by trying to change the people around you. Only by changing the attitude towards life and people, through your own improvement, you can change the quality of relationships. In other words, if you change yourself for the better, the attitude towards you will change.
Sometimes the resentment is well founded. Are you humiliated, insulted by a friend or loved one? You may have problems with your own self-esteem. It is necessary either to put in the place of the offender, openly showing his negative attitude - or to put a protective barrier between the offender and himself. Sometimes it is better to end such a relationship altogether - of course, if we are not talking about close relatives, children, parents.
Why is it important to learn to forgive hurt feelings?
In a state of resentment, a person feels as if he were sick. And this feeling arises for a reason. Resentment is one of the spiritual ailments; in fact, it is a mental illness. If you allow it to grow, the consequences will be extremely unpleasant.
Forgiveness is the only cure for a painful condition in which a person is immersed due to resentment. To forgive means to give up revenge, from discontent, to channel energy into a creative channel - to restore friendly relations and trust. When life energy works with a positive sign, mood improves, physical well-being is strengthened.
Learning to forgive is essential. Do not regard your forgiveness as a blessing in relation to the offender: you are a scoundrel - and I am a saint. First of all, you need forgiveness so that the destructive energy of resentment does not destroy your life.
To keep grudges, to carry along with you a whole heap of your unsatisfied claims means not to value your life and those who treat us well. Resentment repels, reproaches irritate, claims destroy all the best that binds even very close people. Touchy people lose friends, they are not liked at work. And this is not surprising: who will like the fact that he is endlessly "strained"? Being in our own grievances, we deprive ourselves and those whom we are offended of, comfort in relationships.
It's good if you have a balanced, wise friend who will support your spirit and distract you from heavy, vengeful thoughts. Complaining about insults to friends who will only stir up emotions, verbally supporting not you, but your negativity, is categorically impossible. This will only exacerbate the dire psychological state and exacerbate the conflict that you are experiencing.
Resentment is latent or overt hostility. By forgiving, a person internally renounces the hostile attitude. If it is difficult to forgive offenses and they have worn you out, you should think: is everything all right with your soul, psyche? Perhaps you should go to a psychologist, and if you are a believer, then ask for advice in the church.
