Children raised with stepfathers often cannot forgive their mother's new husband. They cannot forgive him for not being a father, they blame him for destroying his family or failing to become a loved one. Sometimes they even hate them for punishments that could easily be forgiven to their own father. But you cannot keep an offense in your heart forever - it is harmful to you.
Preparing for forgiveness
It is very important to understand that you yourself need forgiveness. Leaving negative emotions aside, you poison your soul. Resentment and anger take away a lot of energy, strength and nerves, prevent you from becoming a happier person. Moreover, since they are aimed at the stepfather, we can talk about problems in the family, provoked by such an attitude.
Think about how it might be very painful for your mom to be torn between you and the person she loves. Children can see a real monster in their stepfather, but often he actually turns out to be worthy of love.
Forgiving your stepfather, judge from the height of your experience. Try to get rid of resentments about your family life. Children sometimes tend to blame their stepfather for the breakdown of the family, even if their father did not leave because the mother chose a new man. Think about what problems really were and are, and which ones you came up with, not wanting to see a loved one in your stepfather. But at the same time, do not blame yourself in any way: your feelings were sincere, and now you just need to let them go.
How to get rid of negative emotions
Try a meditation exercise. Lie comfortably, close your eyes and imagine that you are in a very pleasant place for you. Then imagine that your stepfather is here too, and he asks your forgiveness. Think of all the things he has to apologize for, and imagine how he talks about it. Then say that you forgive everything and let go of negative emotions.
Such an exercise helps to put an end, to close old grievances and start life from a new leaf. It is especially effective if you rarely talk to your stepfather or see him at all.
If visualization doesn't help you, try another option. Write a letter to your stepfather in which you can tell about all the insults, about all his bad deeds. Do not be shy in expressions - all the same, you are writing a letter for yourself. Pour your feelings on paper, be sincere and honest with yourself, express your resentment, talk about what worries you or makes you angry. Write as much as you need.
The next day, write a second letter to your stepfather. In it, you can also talk about resentment, but this time there will be less negative emotions, and sympathy will appear in your words. Talk about how hard it was for you without a father, tell about your feelings towards your family, about childhood fears. After the first letter, it will be easier to do this, since the anger should subside a little. On the third day, write your last letter. Tell your stepfather in it that you forgive him for everything and no longer hold evil. Be sincere.
