Definition of life scenarios in psychology, a typology of scenarios according to Bern. Recommendations on how to change the life scenario and how to create a successful life path scenario.
Someone always and in everything bypasses you for a split second? Do you fail all the time one step before winning due to unexpected circumstances? It seems that other people (those who always overtake you) are given everything just like that? Chances are high that you have become a hostage to the Invincible Life scenario.
The author of the theory of life (parental) scenarios is the American psychoanalyst Eric Berne. He outlined his thoughts in the book “People who play games. Psychology of Human Destiny . E. Bern identified three main life scenarios: a winner, a non-winner and a loser. Each of them is associated with parental attitudes and beliefs received by a person under the age of 6. Now let's break down each scenario in a little more detail.
Winner scenario
A person living according to this scenario knows how to set goals and always achieves them. In addition to intermediate goals, he focuses on the main life goal. For some, this is moving to another country, for others - building a career in their hometown. Someone dreams of fame, and someone dreams of a big family. The goals are different, but people will certainly achieve them.
The winners take a proactive stance and fight a lot. They have their own opinion on everything, and they are ready to defend it. If something unexpected happens, then they immediately try to change the circumstances in their favor. Therefore, they are the winners.
Undefeated scenario
A person living according to this scenario works hard, but achieves little. His efforts are barely enough to keep afloat, to maintain the established bar. But even a little ahead is impossible.
The non-conqueror is very pleasant to talk to, compliant. He accepts any gifts from life and, instead of struggling, prefers to wait it out. Therefore, it often does not reach the goal.
Loser Scenario
A person living according to the scenario of a loser does not know how to set goals, does not understand himself and does not know what he wants from life. He is used to retreating, making mistakes, “mowing”. This is a passive person who is unconsciously set up to fail. In the best case - for life in the style of “Everything is like people. Do I need a lot or something."
How to define your scenario
It's very simple: observe your thoughts and speech.
How the winner thinks:
- “I realized where I went wrong. We must try again”;
- “I have enough knowledge and ability for this”;
- "We need to think about where to get the missing resources."
The winner wants more and better for himself.
How the undefeated thinks:
- “Well, yes, it turned out unpleasantly, but it’s good at least that something didn’t happen”;
- "This, of course, is not exactly what I wanted, but okay";
- “Yes, I live normally. Others have problems worse than mine."
The non-conqueror is content with little.
How a loser thinks:
- “I would do it, but …”;
- "If not for …, then I …";
- others “if only”, yes “if only”.
The loser does not know what he wants and is content with what he managed to get.
How to change a life scenario
How to transform from a winner to a winner? You need to determine what "curse" (as Bern called them) your parents put on you, and come up with an anti-scenario for yourself.
The victors have no curse. Instead, they were indoctrinated with the "Be great" belief in various forms:
- “Well done, you're good at it”;
- "Try again, now it will definitely work out";
- "You are a capable boy / girl";
- “I'm proud of you,” etc.
The non-winner heard all the time that he was "average", and that he was not expected to do anything else:
- "Well, not bad, and what a lot more to you";
- “There is no ideal, and it will do that”;
- “Come on, forget it”;
- "Do not be upset, maybe next time you will be lucky."
A curse hung over the loser about his unsightly life ending. For example:
- "Get drunk like your father";
- “There were no rich in our family, and you will not be rich”;
- "Alone you die with such and such a character";
- "I wish I hadn't given birth to you," etc.
How to understand what was imposed on you
Answer honestly to 4 questions proposed by E. Bern:
- What did your parents tell you most often (guidance, persuasion)? This is what is limiting you right now.
- What life example did your parents set? This will help separate your desires from those imposed by your parents.
- What did your parents most often forbid you? It will help you understand what you are doing "for evil" to your parents and against your will.
- What did your parents praise you for, which of your actions did they react with a smile? The answer will help you understand what behaviors your parents encouraged. Not the fact that now it is useful for you and meets your desires.
Have you defined your curse and your main parental prohibition? Now give yourself the opposite attitude. For example:
- “I don’t want to compare myself with those who are worse. I want and can live the way those who are better live”;
- "I deserve more";
- "I deserve the best";
- “I can afford this and that”;
- other.
And according to E. Berne's behest, say: "Mom, I'd better do it my own way." And also remember that the winner lives with the attitude: "I am good, other people are good, life is good."
Note that Berne identified several subtypes of loser, undefeated, and winner scenarios. But, I think, it is better to analyze it separately in other articles.
