Psychological manipulation is something that many have to deal with in family life. Moreover, it does not matter at all who acts as such a puppeteer - spouse, children, parents - in any case, it is quite difficult to endure, and sometimes even impossible. Therefore, one of the frequently asked questions in the office of family psychologists: how to live with a manipulator.
Manipulators use all sorts of techniques in their arsenal to achieve their goal. Moreover, the methods can be completely different - from a disarming smile and flapping cilia to health complaints due to the failure to fulfill their wishes. Moreover, the closer people are to each other, the more difficult it is to resist such manipulations.
Psychologists are sure that it is quite difficult to get along with a manipulator. After all, he knows your sore spots and is sure to put pressure on them in order to achieve his goal. Close people, of course, know these points better than anyone else and skillfully use such knowledge in their arsenal.
It is not so difficult to recognize the manipulator. First, in dealing with him, you feel wrong. And always. The manipulator is firmly convinced that he is always right. Usually, this is the sin of parents who are confident in their innocence not even 100, but all 200, or even 500%. They firmly know that you are incapable of making decisions on your own, to the extent that you cannot pick up socks for your tracksuit. Men also like to regularly show their superiority and emphasize that they know everything better than their lady.
Secondly, you are constantly under stress. You may not realize that when you spend your evenings with your husband, you are constantly swearing. The manipulator is constantly trying to pull your strings. Guilt, some wrong actions - and that's it, he will definitely remind you of them in order to show you how wonderful he is against this background. Wives also sin like this, trying to prove to the spouse that they are better. At the same time, even the most forbidden means are used - hints or even a frank admission that a man is bad in bed, comparing him with others, etc.
Third, you feel that you are becoming dependent on the manipulator. Sooner or later, the realization comes that maybe he is right, and you really have many shortcomings that are simply terrible and prevent everyone around you from living. As a result, a new attitude towards the manipulator arises - complete submission to him.
Against this background, the victim's self-esteem falls rapidly. The flaws grow and get bigger and bigger until they swell to the maximum size possible. For the manipulator, this is the most favorable moment, because he can now turn you around as he pleases.
If you find yourself living with a manipulator, you shouldn't hack in the heat. After all, you can get along with such, if his manipulations, of course, do not go beyond the limits of what is permissible and do not become the most real bullying. Moreover, there is no guarantee that the next partner will be different. You can't part with parents and children, so you have to act.
You need to work with a manipulator using his own methods. He certainly does not expect this from you. It is pointless to reproach you for the manipulator, because in your actions he will see himself and understand that you can just as well make a counter claim to him. In case he still tries to return the situation under his control, you can make an innocent face and ask: "What's wrong with that?"
You should be prepared for the fact that it will be quite difficult at first. After all, you are already accustomed to a certain demeanor, plus cultivated shortcomings do not allow you to live in peace. But you have to gather your strength.
It is imperative to become a self-sufficient person. After all, only such can resist manipulation. It is impossible to command and impose something on a person who is confident in himself.
