Negative events in one way or another leave an imprint on a person's personality. Psychologists have noticed that people who have experienced divorce are much more prone to depression than those who are happily married. But this is not a reason to despair and resign. By knowing how setbacks may have affected you, you can start working on yourself to minimize negative consequences.
Instructions
Step 1
Fear. The most common consequence of any problems in your personal life is the fear that this could happen again. The reason may lie both in early childhood and in a recently ended relationship. If the child's parents did not get along and constantly quarreled, it is quite possible that when he grows up, he will not be in a hurry to start a family. People who have experienced a difficult breakup also usually do not strive to open up in a new relationship - the traces of loss are still very fresh. But the problem is that fear, as a strong emotion, contributes to the formation of exactly the strategy of behavior that leads to a negative result. Therefore, it is very important to realize your fear and try to free yourself from it.
Step 2
Almost every mature person has deep fears, often unconscious. To understand what exactly you are afraid of, try to devote at least one hour to this business. Sit in a quiet place and try to describe what you are afraid of. At first, all sorts of simple objects and phenomena will come to mind, such as darkness or mice, but then you will get to major psychological problems. Remember that fears are dimmed by the fact that you admit them to yourself.
Step 3
Mistrust. Those who have experienced betrayal or deception on the part of a loved one often become distrustful, afraid to open up, jealous and always suspect the worst if the new partner does not pick up the phone. If you want to start a new relationship, but failure in the previous ones haunts you, you understand that you do not trust others, then try a technique such as modification of experience. Imagine a painful situation, remember it in detail. You can write on paper. Then burn this paper! And now write again how everything was - only without betrayal, in the new history everything should be fine. Reread. Write at the end: "I trust my partner and open up to new relationships." Not necessarily with these words, but the statement should be positive and reflect the meaning.
Step 4
Emotional instability and propensity for codependency. This problem, which appears after unfortunate personal circumstances, is especially common in women, but it also occurs in men. Having experienced an unsuccessful episode, a person begins to fear that it will happen again. But instead of avoiding "problematic" people, such as emotionally unresponsive partners or those who are trapped in mortising habits, the "victim", on the contrary, tends to people of the same type. Psychologists have not fully figured out what pushes people to strive again into the arms of death, perhaps the reason for this mechanism is that a person subconsciously seeks to correct the past by “re-educating” his new partner or enduring all the humiliations from him.
Step 5
Another reason for consistently choosing the wrong partner is that if someone is used to the constant emotional tension inherent in a troubled relationship, a kind and good partner will seem boring. For example, this is often the case with children raised in alcoholic families. If you understand that you have this problem and you are not able to cope with it, it is best to contact a specialist. There are books and psychological techniques to deal with this. The fact is that the deeper the injury, the more difficult it is to heal it on your own. A qualified psychologist will be able to see patterns and typical problems in your situation that you yourself, perhaps, do not think so at all.
