Memories can be shattering. Some of them can be so toxic that they do not heal with time: in order to shed this burden from the shoulders, a person must turn to himself.
Instructions
Step 1
There is no need to try to erase your past: this is your precious experience, the lessons of your life. Starting with a clean slate, you run the risk of repeating the mistakes you have made. But constantly returning to the past is a dangerous trap. You cannot change now anything that happened to you or what was done by you, but you can get the most out of it for yourself - and move on.
Step 2
Let 'rethink' be the key word. When a director makes a film based on a book and puts emphasis in a completely different way than the readers are used to, this is called rethinking. Memories that you cannot let go of is a book that you always read the same way. Ask complete strangers to listen to your story; report only the events, without giving any emotional assessment. You will probably be surprised how differently you can look at what happened.
Step 3
Relieve yourself of responsibility for other people, but allow yourself to be held accountable for your decisions. Your actions, even those that seem to be wrong, are your responsibility, and you are not obliged to anyone to be always right, always perfect, always comfortable, always submissive. Having done everything that seems to you enough to make amends, absolve yourself of responsibility for the actions of the other side and do not torment yourself with this: whether to meet you halfway, whether to stay with your resentment is the other person's decision, which he will take himself.
Step 4
Get yourself a separate notebook, flash drive, Internet account - something convenient and autonomous enough - and put everything that worries and upsets you there. Old photographs, correspondence, your thoughts and dialogues that you say to yourself when you return to the past - everything that pulls you back. One place separate from you, keeping your past. Do not look there unnecessarily - it will take a long time before this corner stops arousing strong emotions in you. Record how your attitude will change over time: this is an interesting experience that will remind you that everything flows and everything changes.
Step 5
Let the itch pass, the wounds crust over and heal: no matter what happens to you, you can't continue to bleed and justify your failures and weaknesses by this. You may find yourself deliberately going to places that will evoke memories in you, listening to the music associated with it - and, moreover, not even stopping thoughts of the past. Of course, doing exactly the opposite and subordinating your life so as not to encounter anything that brings up memories is also not an option: but at the very moment when a thought about the past appears in your head - by an effort of will you need to cope with the itching and be distracted. New people will appear, new events, new memories - emotions will recede, and one day you will feel that you have accepted the past and let it go.
