A certain part of all appeals to a psychologist is associated with the topic of adultery in marriage. This is one of the most painful topics for a person, and sometimes it is possible to cope with it only with outside help.
Cheating in marriage is most often a severe trauma for the psyche of any person who is faced with it. This is due to the fact that many ideas about their family life, hopes, illusions are crumbling, because a once loved one appears in a completely different light than he or she had previously imagined. Also, many ideas about oneself collapse. Men lose confidence in themselves, women develop a sense of vulnerability.
All these changes occur abruptly, in an instant - at the very moment when the news of the betrayal is fully realized. That is why everything is perceived so painfully. In an instant, what has been invested in for a long period of time is destroyed. How to be in such a difficult situation? A good solution would be to immediately contact a certified specialist. However, most often you have to solve this problem on your own.
Give yourself time to get through a period of emotional distress
During the period when a person finds out about the betrayal, no serious decisions can be made, since in a state of stress all of them will turn out to be far from the best. It takes time for the acute period of mental pain to be replaced by a calmer one, when it becomes possible to analyze, plan and make informed decisions. During this period, you can leave for a few days, if circumstances permit, or do some neutral business or work. If there is an understanding person who can support at this time, do not refuse help.
Use all means that allow you to bring yourself in at least relative order. For some, this is a sport, for others, solitude or listening to music.
Do not try to analyze your relationship in the first, most painful period. This should be done at a later stage.
Analyze your situation
After the first acute stage has passed, you can try to analyze the situation that happened, its possible causes, mistakes that were made in the relationship.
There is a saying that two people dance tango. Everything that happens in a married couple does not happen by chance, and the responsibility lies with both spouses.
The mistakes of the changed side are most often seen. This can be a low level of family responsibility, negative personal qualities, such as deceit, an insatiable thirst for pleasure, a desire to assert oneself, etc.
Usually the other side begins to see these negative manifestations very vividly. However, the responsibility of the injured party is also present, it does not matter if it is a man or a woman.
What can be the contribution of the injured party to this situation? There is a whole science of how to create, build and maintain relationships so that they are harmonious and bring happiness. Dozens of volumes have been written on this topic, both in ancient times and in the present.
If the family comes to betrayal, then huge mistakes were made by both participants and, most likely, the split occurred long before the fact when one of the spouses went to the side. It is important to understand here whether the marriage was originally built on the basis of mutual love, respect in order to create harmonious relationships? Maybe from the very beginning negative scenarios were laid based on the need to feel like a victim?
Determination of tactics for further behavior
After the acute stage of mental suffering subsided and the reasons for the current situation and the mistakes that were made earlier began to become clear, you can think about what to do next. Usually, in such a situation, two options are seen: divorce or continuation of the relationship. It is impossible to give specific advice here, since each situation is individual.
There are couples who overcome this crisis, learn from mistakes and continue their relationship on a new level without making repeated mistakes. If this path is chosen, it is necessary to make great efforts to build relationships, as it were, anew. All the previous models no longer work, and only mutual efforts are capable of transferring relations to a new level. In this case, it is also necessary to work on forgiving the partner and transform the negative residue that will inevitably appear in the whole situation.
There are cases when divorce is the only right decision, because the other half is not able or does not want to work on themselves and change.
It is necessary to decide on which path to go and already clearly adhere to the chosen direction.
