Resentment is one of the most destructive feelings. Because of him, the good things that were in the past are forgotten, there is no full-fledged joy in the present and there is no opportunity to create a favorable future, because it makes you experience negative emotions again and again. Paradoxically, although the resentment is directed at the one who caused the trouble, it causes the greatest harm to the psyche and health of the one who cannot cope with this feeling, forget and forgive past situations.
Necessary
- - stationery;
- - literature on the psychology of interpersonal relationships;
- - literature on conflict management.
Instructions
Step 1
To forget and forgive the past, try to understand the cause of the conflict. Most likely, in a fit of a quarrel, the situation was perceived not quite adequately and you could exaggerate the strength of the insult inflicted. If some time has passed and you have calmed down a bit, look at the situation from the outside. Writing this story down on paper will help you see the situation more impartially.
Step 2
Try to vent your negative emotions. Just not on the people around you and without the help of alcohol! Sports or creative activities are best suited. Another good way to forget a grudge is to selflessly help those in trouble. By doing good to others, you will help, first of all, yourself.
Step 3
Don't build up grudges. If possible, discuss the situation immediately. Perhaps, having learned the motives of the other person, you will understand that it is not at all worthwhile to be angry with him. If you cannot discuss with him, talk about the situation with a friend, a psychologist, or a priest.
Step 4
Step into the shoes of your abuser. Consider why he did this. Perhaps, due to circumstances, he simply had no other choice. Then resentment can give way to a completely different feeling - empathy. This is much better than carrying a negative directed at someone else. Read the literature on conflict resolution and the psychology of interpersonal relationships - it will help you understand the situation.
Step 5
If the resentment is too strong, repeat this formula: "I forgive you, (name of the offender), because you (here tell the essence of the conflict)." You need to repeat many times until you feel that you are able to let go of the situation. Depending on the degree of resentment, this job can take from one day to several months.
Step 6
Remember that you forgive primarily because you need it to continue living a fulfilling life. Therefore, do not expect the abuser to be grateful and indebted to you for this. If he understands and realizes his guilt, he will ask for forgiveness - good. If not, don't focus on it. Keep building your life.
Step 7
In some cases, it seems that forgiveness is only possible if you take revenge. But revenge will only give temporary satisfaction. Then, in most cases, the realization comes that since you acted in the same way as the offender, then you yourself are absolutely no better than him. Therefore, all the negativity that was previously addressed to him can be safely thrown out in your direction. In this situation, you will not receive spiritual growth as a result of working on yourself.
Step 8
Learn to forgive not only others, but yourself as well. We all make mistakes. Learn to treat them like life lessons. Correct them if possible. If not, think about how you should have done, and try to prevent this from happening in the future.
