How to influence a person against his will, make him accept his opinion and fulfill his will? Great scientists and great dictators, diplomats and intelligence officers, magicians and all those who wanted to command someone else's will and mind pondered over these questions.
It is necessary
If we do not set ourselves such tasks, but only want to be better understood and reckoned with our opinion, then it will be useful to get acquainted with the basic concepts and basic techniques of influencing a person. NLP, or neurolinguistic programming, will help us with this
Instructions
Step 1
Stage 1. Determination of the leading system of human perception, that is, the system that is dominant in human cognition and perception of the world.
The experts define three main ones: auditory, visual and kinesthetic. With the dominant auditory system, a person perceives most of the information by ear - “hears”; with visual - perceives in images - "sees"; with kinesthetic - actions - "does". In the overwhelming majority, a person has a mixed system, that is, the dominant one is supplemented by the auxiliary one. For example, “audial” often supplements its perception with images: “hears the noise of the endless blue sea”.
How to define the dominant human system? He will tell you about it himself! For the verbal (verbal) expression of one's thoughts and desires is characteristic only of a person. So, if a person, turning to you, says: “Listen to me!”, This is not only an indication of his leading auditory system, but also an invitation to communicate with him within this system, that is, he wants to be heard. If he says: "Look at this!" - this means that he perceives the world with his eyes, and for him the surrounding images are the main source of information about the world. When he suggests, "Let's go somewhere?" - this means that for him the action is a familiar and comfortable state. These examples are the simplest, but if you are more attentive to the statements of the interlocutor, you will find a lot of nuances in the manifestation of his dominant system.
Step 2
Stage 2. Adjustment. Adjustment is necessary to create a comfortable atmosphere and mutual understanding with your interlocutor, who must understand that the dialogue is being conducted in a “single coordinate system”. Many conflicts and misunderstandings occur precisely because people operate in different categories and do not find a semantic platform for dialogue.
So, you carefully listen to the interlocutor, according to the moderators, you determine which system is the leading one. Listen to nouns, adjectives, and verbs. What is more? How does a person describe events, people, phenomena? Once you understand which system is leading, you can "tune". You begin to use in your speech about the same words and definitions, synonyms and antonyms, exclamations and rhythm of speech, as your interlocutor. This will be quite difficult at first if your system is not sibling. With some practice, you can easily achieve the required level of adjustment. For initial practice, listen to the conversations of your colleagues or people around you, the speeches of politicians, interviews of celebrities, etc., analyze them, and identify the leading system. Try to write the text of the response speech, formulate the questions for this person.
It is important that the adjustment is supported by other methods as well. First and foremost is the adjustment by gestures. The most effective way is "mirroring". For example, a person sitting in front of you clasped his palms. Close you too. Throw one leg over the other - throw it over, just the same as the interlocutor. If he straightens his hair or looks at his watch, “mirror”, but not immediately and explicitly, but after a while. In other words, you let him know that you are “yours”. In addition to gestures, you should consider the rhythm of breathing and speech, voice volume, intonation, and much more. Let your interlocutor open up, and you will learn much more about him than, perhaps, he knows about himself.
Step 3
Stage 3. Impact. So, you have identified the leading system of your interlocutor and understood in what "language" you should communicate with him. Get started. If you want to express a request, wish, demand - rely on the same operator words that he hears, sees, and accepts for execution. At the same time, use the gestures, intonation, speed of speech and features of expressing your emotions that are familiar to him, only your message should be somewhat reinforced: slightly sharper gestures, slightly higher intonation, etc. You can choose the manner of bringing to the consciousness of your interlocutor your wishes yourself (calmly, aggressively, pleadingly), but in any case this should take place in his "coordinate system". As soon as you understand that your message has been accepted and your counterpart is ready for communication, we proceed to the final stage.
Step 4
Stage 4. Anchoring. This technique can be defined as "consolidation of the passed material." As soon as you understand that you are "on the same wavelength" with the interlocutor, you need to consolidate what you managed to agree on. Even if it was not possible to agree, the anchoring technique will allow you to "remind" of your conversation next time.
The most effective in the anchoring technique are tactile sensations, "anchors". There are a lot of ways, and they are chosen based on the situation and the level of relations with the interlocutor. For example, while walking with the interlocutor, at the end of the discussion, lightly squeeze his hand just above the elbow, or squeeze his palm between your palms. It can be a special sound, for example, a light clap, some special gesture of yours, a glance, that is, something that will associate the topic of your conversation with you, it will be your personal sign. This sign should not be intrusive and should be in the "coordinate system". For example, if you are "seen", you should not say "call you" or "cross."
Next time, activate your "anchor": take the interlocutor by the elbow, remind him of the essence of the conversation in "his system of coordinates", continue communication on the wave on which your interlocutor was comfortable. Soon your requests and wishes will be fulfilled, and you will understand that your goals can be successfully achieved without scandals, reproaches and insults.
