Death is an existential given. It just is, whether we like it or not. A person who has come to terms with the fact of his finitude understands the true value of life and knows how to enjoy it. Why worry about what cannot be avoided? And all the same, when our loved ones leave us, emotions cover our heads. The pain of loss is so intense and it seems that you are on the verge of madness.
The grief period goes through 5 stages:
- The first stage begins from the moment when a person learns the sad news. The first reaction is denial. He does not want to believe what he was told, he can "not hear" and ask the speaker several times. Thoughts rummaging in my head "Maybe this is a mistake?", "Probably, I am dreaming all this", "This cannot be", etc. Thus, a person stubbornly tries not to admit a shocking reality, to avoid mental pain, to protect himself from suffering. This phenomenon constitutes a psychological defense. At this moment, he can think objectively, reality is perceived as distorted.
- This is followed by aggression - more active resistance to what happened, the desire to find and punish those responsible. As a rule, those who brought the news fall under the arm. And often a person can direct aggressive actions towards him. All his insides are screaming and angry, not wanting to perceive the painful reality. "Who is to blame?", "This is unfair!", "Why him?" - such questions fill all consciousness.
- Without changing anything with the help of aggression at the second stage, the grieving person begins to bargain with life and God: "I will not do this and that, just let everything come back, I wake up, everything will turn out to be a mistake.." Consciously or not, the person believes into a miracle, into an opportunity to change everything. Some go to church, some resort to the services of sorcerers, others simply pray - actions can be anything, but they are all aimed at changing reality.
- Resistance takes a lot of energy and once a person is de-energized, a period of depression sets in. Nothing helps: no tears, no action. Hands are lowered, interest in everything is lost, apathy covers the head, sometimes a person does not want to live, feeling worthless. Guilt, despair, and helplessness lead to isolation. Often, the grieving person resorts to excessive use of alcohol and drugs in order to somehow alleviate their torment.
- The final stage is characterized by tears that bring relief. There is a shift in attention to positive memories of the deceased. Resignation comes to the realities of life, the inevitability of death. Raging emotions gradually subside and are replaced by quiet sadness and gratitude to the deceased loved one. A person regains his inner support, begins to make plans for the future.
This is the ideal way to live the loss. But sometimes it gets stuck at one of the stages for a long time. In such cases, when the grieving person does not have enough resources, it is worth seeking psychological support, where the remaining stages will be passed together with a specialist.
