It seems to you that the whole world doubts you, you are distrustful, suspicious, constantly tense and even embittered ?! Are you easily pissed off and emotionally very involved in situations related to you? Why is this happening, after all, no one deliberately seeks to harm you ?!
If you prove to everyone and all the time that you are worth something, that you are worthy and deserve more, if you have problems with being overweight, because you want to be "weighty" = visible to everyone, if from time to time thoughts come to mind about meaninglessness of your existence on earth, and after them thoughts about suicide, as well as when you turn to a psychotherapist using the MMPI test, you have a high catastrophization rate, and after it there are exaggerated requirements for yourself and others (perfectionism), one can say with almost 100% confidence that you are an unwanted child in the family. Your mom got pregnant with some goal in mind (for example, so that your dad would marry her), or she simply “flew in” and repeatedly thought about an abortion until someone close to her stopped her (or maybe it was already too late to have an abortion).
Often, people with similar symptoms (let's call it that) have a sad expression on their faces, they often fall into depression, they have a difficult relationship with their parents, from whom they unconsciously demand all the time, being already adults, love, and they are always not satisfied with it, they it is often difficult to build relationships with others (especially with the opposite sex), because they also frantically demand this love from other people, it is quite easy for them to be misled by simply doubting their significance or the quality of what they do or say.
What to do if you recognize yourself in this description ?!
First, you must accept the fact that you will not be able to receive the love you have not received from your parents in the present. This is due to many reasons: you are stuck in childhood, in a very distant and deep past, and you want that very love (love between parents and, for example, a 6-year-old child). But that love is gone, because you have grown up, and your parents have grown old. And most likely they will never admit that they once did not love you. Quite the opposite - they will say the exact opposite. In short, you should not look back, being in the present. You better look ahead to the future.
Second, you need to raise your inner child. Remember that, according to Bern, there are three personality states in every person: Parent, Adult, and Child. At each separate moment in time, we find ourselves in one of these states (in the one that is most convenient for us at the given moment). Accordingly, every time someone doubts us or loves us not enough (as it seems to us), we fall into an offended and angry Child. The condition of the Child, like the condition of the Parent, is not healthy. It is difficult for a child to cope with life's difficulties, he constantly has to resort to outside help. Whereas the Adult is able to “rationally” perceive criticism from others, as well as assess the “legitimacy” of statements addressed to him and stand up for himself.
Third, stop devaluing yourself for any reason (you do this every time someone doubts you). You are valuable, your life is the most precious thing on this earth. You have probably made some progress. Look back and look at the facts. You graduated from school, college, got a job, learned a foreign language. You already have a reason to be proud of yourself. This is a lot, even if it seems to you that it is “about nothing” and “everyone has it”. Not everyone. Appreciate yourself, love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how can others love you ?!
Fourth, fight. You already know how to do this (when you went through an "unwanted pregnancy" and were born into this world). Climb up. A person has only two paths: up and down. To fall down, you don't even need to strain, but to climb up is not so easy. It takes skill, willpower, patience and perseverance. And, in the end, you will always have time to drown, but only a select few can “beat the butter from sour cream with your paws”. Prove to the whole world and to yourself, first of all, that you are just that, you are the first contender for a place in the sun.
