Manipulation is a hidden psychological effect. Every day you become the object of someone else's manipulation. Manipulators force you to change your mind, to do what you would not like. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand when they are trying to manipulate you.
Instructions
Step 1
Consider your goals. And try to understand your opponent's true goals. You may feel that he has completely opposite tasks to yours. But with all his appearance, he submits that he is on your side. In this case, it is clear that you have become an object of manipulation.
Manipulators tend to hide their true goals, pretending to be your benefactor and savior. But his task is to mislead you so that you do not guess anything and catch him in deception.
Step 2
Consider if you will change your point of view if you agree with this person. After all, a change in someone's opinion, behavior, attitude is the result of manipulation.
You are the object of manipulation if your interlocutor is so charming that you want to please him and change your line of behavior.
Step 3
Observe your emotions. When you are manipulated, you may experience an emotional imbalance. You seem to be well spoken of, praised and extolled, but for some reason it is unpleasant for you. Negative emotions arise, which are the signs of manipulation.
Step 4
Be on the lookout if the interlocutor suddenly begins to praise you and explain in eternal friendship. Praise may be followed by a request that you don't want to do.
But if you fall under the influence of a manipulator, then it will be inconvenient to refuse to do something. You will try to maintain a “good opinion” of yourself in the eyes of the manipulator. Therefore, treat praise with restraint.
Step 5
Analyze your opponent's actions. Is he trying to knock you out of your emotional balance by inducing feelings of fear or guilt?
The manipulator can support your fears and provoke actions that supposedly help you. Often, manipulators operate on such feelings of people as ambition, vanity, and the desire to compete.
Step 6
Consider the other person's behavior. If he too persistently achieves something, advises, then you have an example of a primitive manipulator.
Often this type of manipulator tries to achieve their goals by showing you their sympathy and friendliness. But from time to time he tries to puzzle you with his requests.
Step 7
Psychological manipulation is a type of social, psychological impact, a socio-psychological phenomenon, which is the desire to change the perception or behavior of other people using hidden, deceptive and violent tactics. Because these methods tend to promote the interests of the manipulator, often at the expense of other people, they can be considered exploitative, violent, dishonest, and unethical.
Social impact is not always negative. For example, the doctor may try to convince the patient to change unhealthy habits. Social impact is generally considered harmless when it respects a person's right to accept or reject it and is not overly coercive. Depending on the context and motivation, social impact can be subtle manipulation.
Conditions for successful manipulation
According to George Simon (), the success of psychological manipulation primarily depends on how much the manipulator:
- hides aggressive intentions and behavior;
- knows the psychological vulnerability of the victim in order to determine which tactics will be most effective;
- has a level of cruelty enough not to worry about damaging the victim if necessary.
Consequently, manipulation remains most often hidden - relationally aggressive (eng.relational aggression) or passive-aggressive.
How manipulators control their victims
According to Breaker
Harriet Breaker () identified the following main ways in which manipulators manipulate their victims:
- positive reinforcement - praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy ("crocodile tears"), excessive apologies; money, approval, gifts; attention, facial expressions such as feigned laughter or a smile; public acceptance;
- negative reinforcement - getting rid of a problematic, unpleasant situation as a reward.
- volatile or partial reinforcement - can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist - for example, in most forms of gambling, the gambler may win from time to time, but the sum will still be the loser;
- punishment - reproaches, shouting, "playing in silence", intimidation, threats, abuse, emotional blackmail, imposing a sense of guilt, a sullen look, deliberate crying, the image of the victim;
- traumatic one-time experience - verbal abuse, outburst of anger, or other intimidating behavior in order to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of this behavior can teach the victim to avoid confronting or contradicting the manipulator.
According to Simon
Simon identified the following management practices:
- Lying - It is difficult to tell if someone is lying when speaking, and often the truth can be revealed later when it is too late. The only way to minimize the possibility of being deceived is to realize that certain types of individuals (especially psychopaths) are masters of the art of lying and cheating, doing so in a systematic and often subtle way.
- Silence deception is a very subtle form of lying by concealing a substantial amount of truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
- Denial - The manipulator refuses to admit that he or she did something wrong.
- Rationalization - the manipulator justifies his inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to "spin" - a form of propaganda or PR, see spin doctor.
- Minimization is a kind of negation combined with rationalization. The manipulator claims that his behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else believes, for example, by stating that the ridicule or insult was only a joke.
- Selective Inattention or Selective Attention - The manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that might upset his plans, stating something like "I don't want to hear this."
- Distraction - the manipulator does not give a direct answer to a direct question and instead turns the conversation to another topic.
- Excuse - Similar to a distraction, but with the provision of irrelevant, incoherent, unclear answers using vague expressions.
- Covert intimidation - The manipulator forces the victim to play the role of the defending party using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
- False guilt is a special form of intimidation tactic. The manipulator hints to the bona fide victim that she is not attentive enough, too selfish or frivolous. This usually leads to the victim becoming negative, insecure, anxious, or submissive.
- Shame - The manipulator uses sarcasm and offensive attacks to increase the victim's fear and self-doubt. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel insignificant and therefore submit to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle, such as a harsh facial expression or gaze, an unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, or subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make you feel ashamed even for the audacity to challenge their actions. This is an effective way to instill a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
- Victim Conviction - Compared to any other tactic, this is the most powerful means of forcing the victim to be the defending side while masking the manipulator's aggressive intent.
- Playing the role of the victim ("I am unhappy") - the manipulator portrays himself as a victim of circumstances or someone's behavior in order to achieve pity, sympathy or compassion and thus achieve the desired goal. Caring and conscientious people cannot help but sympathize with the suffering of others, and the manipulator can often easily play on empathy in order to achieve cooperation.
- Servant playing - the manipulator disguises selfish intentions under the guise of serving a more noble cause, for example, claiming to act in a certain way out of "obedience" and "service" to God or another authority figure.
- Seduction - The manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery, or openly supports the victim to reduce their resistance and earn trust and loyalty.
- Projecting Guilt (Blaming Others) - The manipulator makes the victim a scapegoat, often in a subtle, hard-to-find way.
- Feigning innocence - the manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done to him was unintentional, or that he did not do what he is accused of. The manipulator can take on the appearance of surprise or resentment. This tactic causes the victim to question their own judgment and possibly their prudence.
- Simulation of confusion - the manipulator tries to pretend to be a fool, pretending not to know what they are talking about, or that they have confused an important issue that is being drawn to their attention.
- Aggressive Anger - The manipulator uses anger in order to achieve emotional intensity and rage in order to shock the victim and force them to obey. The manipulator does not really feel anger, it is only acting out a scene. He wants what he wants and gets "angry" when he doesn't get what he wants.
- Declassing - declassing the victim, with subsequent compensation from the victim for his perceived insignificance, with the benefit of the manipulator.
Vulnerabilities exploited by manipulators
Manipulators usually spend a lot of time studying the characteristics and vulnerabilities of their victim.
According to Breaker, manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities ("buttons") that may exist in victims:
- passion for pleasure
- a tendency to gain approval and recognition from others
- emotophobia (Emotophobia) - fear of negative emotions
- lack of independence (assertiveness) and the ability to say "no"
- unclear identity (with vague personal boundaries)
- low self-confidence
- external locus of control
Vulnerabilities according to Simon:
- naivety - it is too difficult for the victim to accept the idea that some people are cunning, dishonest and ruthless, or they deny that they are being persecuted.
- superconsciousness - the victim is too willing to give the manipulator the benefit of the doubt and takes his side, that is, the point of view of the victim,
- low self-confidence - the victim is not self-confident, she lacks conviction and perseverance, she too easily finds herself in the position of the defending side.
- over intellectualization - the victim tries too hard to understand the manipulator and believes that he has some understandable reason to harm.
- emotional dependence - the victim has a subordinate or dependent personality. The more emotionally dependent a victim is, the more vulnerable they are to exploitation and control.
According to Martin Cantor (), the following people are vulnerable to psychopathic manipulators:
- too trusting - honest people often assume that everyone else is honest. They confide in people they barely know, without checking documents, etc. They rarely turn to so-called experts;
- too altruistic - the opposite of psychopathic; too honest, too fair, too empathetic;
- too impressionable - overly susceptible to someone else's charm;
- too naive - who cannot believe that there are dishonest people in the world, or who believe that if there are such people, they would not be allowed to act;
- too masochistic - lack of self-esteem and subconscious fear allow them to be used to their advantage. They think they deserve it out of guilt;
- too narcissistic - prone to falling in love with undeserved flattery;
- too greedy - greedy and dishonest can become a victim of a psychopath who can easily seduce them to act in an immoral way;
- Too immature - have inadequate judgments and too trust in exaggerated advertising promises;
- too materialistic - easy prey for usurers and those offering get-rich-quick schemes;
- too dependent - they need someone else's love and therefore are gullible and inclined to say "yes" when they should answer "no";
- too lonely - can accept any offer of human contact. The stranger psychopath can offer friendships for a price;
- too impulsive - make hasty decisions, for example, about what to buy or whom to marry without consulting other people;
- too economical - they cannot reject the deal, even if they know the reason why the offer is so cheap;
- seniors - may be fatigued and less capable of many tasks at once. Hearing an ad offer, they are less likely to suspect fraudulent activity. Seniors are more likely to finance unlucky people.
Systematic thinking errors such as cognitive biases can be used to manipulate.
The motives of the manipulators
Possible motives of manipulators:
- the need to advance their own goals and personal gain at virtually any cost,
- the need to acquire a sense of power and superiority over others,
- desire and need to feel like a dictator,
- gaining dominance over others in order to raise their own self-esteem.
- the desire to play, manipulate the victim, and enjoy it,
- habit, after constant manipulation of victims,
- desire to practice and check the effectiveness of any techniques.
Psychological states of manipulators
The manipulator may have the following personality disorders:
- Machiavellianism,
- narcissistic personality disorder
- borderline personality disorder
- anxiety personality disorder
- addictive personality disorder
- hysterical personality disorder
- passive-aggressive personality disorder
- dissocial personality disorder
- Type A nervousness
- psychological addiction.
Basic manipulative strategies of psychopaths
According to Robert Hare () and Paul Babiak (), psychopaths are constantly on the lookout for a victim for their fraud or deception. The psychopathic approach has three phases:
1. Evaluation phase
Some psychopaths are unscrupulous, aggressive predators who will trick almost anyone they meet. At the same time, others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, naive victim to cross her path. Some psychopaths enjoy solving any problem, while others only hunt those that are vulnerable. In each case, the psychopath continually evaluates the person's potential suitability as a source of money, power, sex, or influence. During the assessment phase, the psychopath is able to identify the weak points of the potential victim and will use them in order to carry out his plan.
2. Phase of manipulation
Once the psychopath has identified his victim, the manipulation phase begins. At the beginning of the manipulation phase, the psychopath forms a special mask designed to manipulate the victim. The psychopath will lie to gain the trust of his victim. Lack of empathy and guilt allows the psychopath to lie with impunity; he does not see the importance of telling the truth if it does not help achieve the desired goal.
As the relationship develops with the victim, the psychopath carefully evaluates her personality. The victim's personality gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics being assessed. An astute observer can discover insecurities or vulnerabilities that the victim would like to minimize or hide from prying eyes. As a connoisseur of human behavior, the psychopath begins to carefully test the victim's inner resistance and needs, and ultimately builds a personal relationship with the victim.
The psychopath's mask - the “personality” that interacts with the victim - is made of lies carefully woven to lure the victim. This mask, one of many, is designed to meet the individual psychological needs and expectations of the victim. Stalking a prey is inherently predatory; it often results in serious financial, physical or emotional harm to a person. Healthy, real relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, and on shared honest thoughts and feelings. The victim's misconception that the psychopathic bond has any of these characteristics is the reason for the success of the manipulation.
3. Parting phase
The separation phase begins when the psychopath decides that the victim is no longer useful. The psychopath leaves her and moves on to the next victim. In the case of romantic relationships, the psychopath usually guarantees himself a relationship with the next target before leaving his current victim. Sometimes a psychopath has three people at the same time with whom he deals - the first one was recently abandoned and remains only in case of failure with the other two; the second is currently a victim, and it is planned to leave in the near future; and the third, whom the psychopath is courting while awaiting parting with the current victim.
