It is not for nothing that the theme of the relationship between a son-in-law and a mother-in-law is used so often in jokes. Their relationship is indeed tense in most cases. How can a man build this relationship?
Most often, the son-in-law perceives the mother-in-law as an interfering attachment to his wife, and the mother-in-law of the son-in-law as the culprit of all her daughter's problems. There may be other reasons for tensions, but, in fact, they perceive each other as antagonists.
The essence of the eternal conflict
On the part of the mother-in-law, the main reason for the conflict is that the son-in-law begins to have rights to her daughter, whom she raised for many years and put a huge amount of effort into her development and upbringing. A man, as a rule, does not think about it and takes it for granted that he gets himself a girlfriend and does not owe anyone anything for it. And the mother-in-law perceives this as some kind of injustice: "He came to everything ready and does not even think that he owes it to me."
Of course, this conflict takes place latently, its participants do not even understand its essence, and then discontent simply manifests itself, which can be inflated into serious conflicts. Minor events can serve as reasons - he put the cup in the wrong way, said the wrong tone, etc.
What is the difficulty for a son-in-law in a relationship with a mother-in-law?
A mother-in-law, as a woman rich in life experience, can often put her son-in-law in the position of guilty and use the topic of responsibility to hurt him. The topic of responsibility is the most painful topic for men, especially if this is not initially a strong feature of it. A man is always most of all hurt by remarks that he could not do something, that something did not work for him. Such comments are very painful to him, and the mother-in-law, if she wishes, is closely studying her daughter's family, can issue such comments in unlimited quantities. And the less a man has succeeded in life and is subject to such remarks and the more his mother-in-law wants to hurt him in this direction, the stronger and brighter the conflict flares up.
How should a son-in-law treat his mother-in-law in order to build a harmonious relationship with her? As in the case of the relationship with the mother-in-law, Vedic philosophy recommends that a man treat his mother-in-law even better than his own parents. And this attitude should be cultivated at the level of feelings, and not just in words. If a man admits that he, in fact, owes something to his mother-in-law and shows this in his attitude, then part of the main hidden conflict can come to naught, and the relationship with the mother-in-law can become very positive and warm. If a man is initially disrespectful to his mother-in-law, tension will certainly manifest itself in one form or another. The spouse's parents are more difficult to forgive disrespect than their parents, because parents initially accept their children much easier.
If the mother-in-law interferes too much in the life of the family
When a mother-in-law tries to control too much everything that happens in a young family, this inevitably negatively affects the relationship. Here the man as the head of the family must set the boundaries of intervention and clearly explain to the mother-in-law where and to what extent she can interfere in the life of a young family. If a man builds these boundaries without violating the principle of respect and demonstrating responsibility towards his wife, then the mother-in-law will accept his rules and will treat them with respect. The more responsibility a man shows in relation to his family, the less he will be subject to feelings of guilt, which his mother-in-law may try to impose on him.
In order for a man to avoid conflicting relationships with his mother-in-law, it is necessary to understand the features of these relationships and build relationships based on certain principles. However, in most cases, it is advisable for a young family to live separately and plan time for communication with parents.
