For many people, outside opinion is important and necessary. This is perceived as a kind of assessment. In some cases, someone else's opinion can help in the development and achievement of a certain goal. However, as soon as this turns into a painful dependence on the people around you, this should be fought.
Very often, fixing a problem first requires finding the root cause. In this case, uncomfortable psychological moments, from which you really want to get rid of, are similar to physiological diseases. After all, it is possible to suppress or treat the symptoms of the disease for an infinitely long time, but the pathology will not be eliminated until the immediate cause that launched it is eliminated.
Because of what addiction can form
What can lead to anxious, painful dependence on the opinions of other people? Why are some people very susceptible to outside evaluations? Among the variety of options, as a rule, the main ones stand out:
- self-esteem problems, increased self-doubt;
- unwillingness (or impossibility due to attitudes) of a person to realize his uniqueness;
- difficulties with the awareness of their intrinsic value, with the acceptance of their talents, achievements, and so on;
- dependence on someone else's opinion is often formed by parents with the help of upbringing, along the way, a person's independence and the idea that he is a unique personality, individuality are suppressed;
- various personal attitudes that a person could independently form in himself, for example, under the influence of any critical or stressful situation.
It would seem that if the reason for dependence on someone else's opinion lies in low self-esteem, then take it and raise it for yourself. Or, if a similar trait was formed due to personal attitudes, simply break these attitudes. Very often people who are morbidly dependent on the opinions of others hear phrases like “just forget it”, “don't pay attention to other people's words”, “what do you care what others think” and so on. However, as you know, it is always much easier said than done. The presence of increased anxiety, possible neurosis, low stress tolerance, getting stuck in thoughts and feelings, the formation of obsessions and images, various fears and fears - all this often feeds a total dependence on public opinion. Overcoming this in no time is usually not easy. What to do? How to cope with your tendency to constantly look back at others, to listen to what the people around you are saying?
How to deal with addiction to other people's opinions
Of course, in order to surely overcome your tendency to constantly look at others and listen to others, you need to find the root cause, which was discussed above, and eliminate it. However, this process usually takes a long time. And it must be accompanied by the so-called additional steps to get rid of addiction.
- At first, select for yourself a few people who seem authoritative to you, whose opinion can be considered important, weighty, expert. Listen only to them. However, always remember that each person looks at any life situations or achievements only through the prism of their personal experience. Therefore, it is by no means possible to unconditionally follow other people's advice, to link your self-esteem with the opinion of even an authoritative person. You can take notes on something, but try to evaluate the results of your activities yourself.
- Develop in yourself the very independence that could have been suppressed in childhood. Don't be afraid to sound funny or be wrong about something. Don't screw yourself up for no apparent reason. Remember that it is impossible to know for sure what is in another person's head. All the reactions and thoughts that you attribute to others are only partially true. To a greater extent, they are yours and only yours.
- Gradually break the habit of constantly criticizing yourself, especially when influenced by outside opinions.
- Understand your true goals and desires. Highlight what you really need, mark what is imposed. How to distinguish the true from the imposed? If, having achieved something, you do not feel pleasure, in the process of achieving you feel tired and empty, most likely your goal is not yours, it is shaped by the opinion of the people around you. Understand that when you do this, depending on external judgment, you are wasting your time and your inner resources.
- Remind yourself of your personal accomplishments often. Even about some little things that you were able to implement without outside influence.
- Monitor your emotions and your thoughts. As soon as you once again find yourself in a situation where dependence on someone else's opinion comes to the fore, ask yourself if it really matters to you, if you really want it. Ask yourself questions at this moment: “How do I feel now? Is it pleasant to me? Have you developed an intrinsic motivation and desire to move forward? Is everything that happens to me useful? " Treat yourself with love and respect.
