One of the neurotic needs of a person is the desire to be in everything and always first. The danger lies in the fact that such a desire arises in people who care not about their emotional state and not about achieving a result, but those who are trying to prove to the whole world that it is the best. In fact, even after receiving recognition, a person does not experience any satisfaction from victory.
Wanting to become the first and irreplaceable, a person cannot compromise, remains with his ambitions and creates barriers for himself. He is not able to be satisfied with his position, the "Napoleonic plans" are important for him and he believes that only having become great, he will be happy, loved and respected by everyone.
For example, if a person dreams of becoming a great writer, but at the same time works in some small publishing house as an editor or proofreader, it seems to him that this is only a temporary occupation, which does not give any prospects for growth and only takes up his time. Therefore, he continues to work, get tired, be under stress, and sometimes in aggression and anger, just because someone is now receiving literary prizes, and he is still sitting in an incomprehensible place and it is not clear what he is doing.
Intellectually, this person understands that something should be done in the direction of his dream, but there is not enough time, and the illusion that one day everything will come into his own hands does not let go. As a result, he develops a negative outlook on life in which he sees himself as a failure, and a block is formed that does not allow a person to make at least some body movement towards achieving the goal. After all, fate does not favor him, the stars were not so located at birth, in general, everything is against him.
A person who wants to be the first in everything and always becomes a neurotic, unable to live in the present moment. All his thoughts are focused on the past or the future. Such people constantly analyze the events that have already happened in their lives, and try to change what has already happened or think about what could have been "if only …". “If I was born in another country…”, “if my parents were millionaires…”, “if I went to study at another university…” - such thoughts are most often characteristic of people who are unable to enjoy life in the present tense.
Caring about what will happen “if only” also distracts a person from realizing his plans and does not give him an opportunity to grow professionally or completely change his occupation. After all, he is possessed by fear and convictions: “suddenly I cannot”, “suddenly I don’t have enough strength and time”, “suddenly I leave this job, but they won’t take me for another”.
Once Eric Berne wrote about how to distinguish a winner from those who only want to become one, but does nothing for this. So, the winner always has several options for achieving his goal, is not afraid of losing his job, position, being in a difficult position, and knows exactly what needs to be done if he fails. But those who will never be a winner do not even admit the possibility of making a mistake and always make only one bet, trying to get everything at once. As a result, failure is inevitable.
To be the first always and in everything is very often an unattainable desire, leading only to disappointment and neurosis. If a person is able to realize that the desire to get something quickly or immediately is not enough to achieve success, then he will gradually begin to achieve his goal, take small steps along the path of his own development, and sometimes adjust the very goal that he wants to achieve. In this case, sooner or later, he really gets what he wants, and full - plus everything - satisfaction from life. At the same time, he does not need to become the first always and in everything.
