Self-pity is destructive for a person, in this state he becomes isolated, it becomes difficult to evaluate his actions and behavior. Of course, in almost everyone's life there have been moments when the feeling of self-pity manifested itself especially sharply, but only the ability to assess the situation and draw conclusions distinguishes a person with a strong spirit from a person who is used to and who is comfortable living in a state of victim.
The main reasons for self-pity are feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, and a feeling of being underestimated. If a person accepts the state of affairs "as is," that is, openly declares that he is weak, then after a while they begin to treat him as weak. A person is gradually sliding down in the social and professional spheres: they stop entrusting him with interesting projects at work, and trust in solving important issues. At the same time, it does not matter at all whether a person speaks out loud about self-pity or experiences it internally - non-verbal signals are so well captured by others that there is no need for words.
Over time, even friends and relatives begin to avoid such people - no one wants to feel guilty for other people's troubles and sorrows. The fact is that people who are mired in self-pity try to manipulate even their friends, building a dialogue in such a way that others feel guilty and obligated. There is a dependence on a portion of compassion, a person himself begins to look for reasons to feel sorry for himself.
Try to analyze your actions and understand the reason for the pity. Once the true reason is known, the pity will diminish.
The main reason for self-pity is that a person has not matured and is trying to "take with tears" as in childhood, or in improper upbringing, when the parents indulged the child in everything. But an adult must be able to build his own destiny and work on mistakes. If you notice that you call your friends too often to tell about your next failure, then it is better to make an appointment with a psychotherapist.
A systematic and purposeful movement forward under the guidance of a psychotherapist will help to break free from the shackles of pity. The peculiarities of childhood and the attitude of parents, of course, affect a person's adult life. But it is impossible to live under the mask of an offended and disliked child. There are many people in the world who are ready to give you love, friendship and attention.
Help those who need help even more: work in the canteen for the poor, helping the seriously ill. Spend as much time on this as you can afford, but not to your detriment.
Pity is a destructive feeling, it prevents a person from making decisions, and he eventually refuses actions that could change his life. That is, constant fear and self-doubt are the products of pity. You can neutralize pity, but this will take a lot of time, first of all, you need to do self-discipline, starting with the simplest tasks. Set goals that are easy to achieve, for example, always wake up at the same time, do gymnastics. The goals, where the body's resources are involved, are the easiest to accomplish, but they help to believe in yourself, to get used to the fact that if you move in a given direction, then any task is feasible.
Do not take abrupt steps right away, do not leave work where you are supposedly not appreciated, do not break off relations with friends. Just look at your life from the other side. People who have been with you all this time, while you were in the grip of self-pity, and have not abandoned friendship, are certainly worthy of communication with a person who has changed for the better.
