Most people, for one reason or another, have vague personal boundaries. This problem manifests itself most clearly when you need to refuse someone, or, conversely, insist on your own. It is important to be able to correctly defend your opinion, while not hurting the other person and not destroying the relationship with him.
Tactics that lead to negative outcomes
As a rule, it is very difficult for people with unsettled personal emotional space to recognize when to defend, when to attack, and when no one has declared war on them. Each new negative experience only adds "to the piggy bank", and then often "shoots" in the most inappropriate case.
You should not draw conclusions from the particular to the general. Even if once someone used you, it is not a fact that in a similar situation another person will pursue the same goal. If you notice an aggressive reaction to someone's insistent requests, such as "that you are pushing me!" - think about it! Is the person really pressuring you or are you just projecting your negative experience onto them. This is very important, because if you feel that the people around you are pressuring you by stating your needs, you will not clearly state your own needs, not wanting to be accused of such pressure.
There is also a downside to the coin: to start a "war" where there is none. That is, initially you talk about your desires with aggression and anger, as if you had already been denied in advance and more than once. Thus, you hide your fear of being rejected and misunderstood, because defense, as you know, is the best attack.
How to change
In fact, you need to be aware that this world is not always friendly, and your needs, in fact, can cause a negative reaction in someone. However, this is not your problem at all. It is important to do everything to be heard. A simple and constructive dialogue will help here.
You can calmly and confidently say what you want (or, conversely, what you no longer want) in a relationship with this person. It can be anyone: a relative, partner, friend or work colleague, as long as you talk about yourself. You should not start with accusations, they say, you were not provided with your need, therefore, the person is already guilty before you a priori. This is not true. He or she may not be aware that you have this need.
However, there is no need to "mumble" - a person may make the erroneous conclusion that your need is not so important to you.
