More and more articles on psychology are full of headlines: "How to be yourself", "How to live without a mask", etc. But if you think about it, is it really necessary to always remain true to yourself, or are there still nuances?
It just so happens that we live in an era of authenticity, where the erasure of the boundaries between deep inner feelings and what should be shown to the world is exalted. The idea of "being yourself" in this case determines everything in our life: how we love, live, build a career.
We strive to communicate with the same authentic people: we are looking for an authentic boss, an authentic partner, authentic friends. What can we talk about when the speeches of the rectors of institutes begin, as a rule, with the idea of "staying true to yourself."
But for most people, being yourself is terrible advice.
In fact, your real "I" is not interesting to anyone. Each of us has such thoughts and feelings that we should keep to ourselves.
If you experiment and live with utmost honesty for two weeks, all your relationships with friends and colleagues, and perhaps with a love partner, will simply collapse. Saying whatever you think is a bad way out. For several years, the writer A. J. Jacobs behaved completely authentic for two weeks. He told his publisher that he would have slept with her if he weren't married, and told his wife's parents that he was bored talking with them. He did not hesitate to admit to his little daughter that the beetle had died, and not just dozed on her palm. He told the nanny that if his wife left him, he would invite her on a date.
Deception is what helps this world to exist. Without deception, all workers would be kicked out, marriages would fall apart, and people's self-esteem would simply be trampled underfoot.
How much we strive for authenticity depends on such a psyche as social self-control. It presupposes the ability to analyze the environment for how to act in a given situation, to adjust your behavior to the prevailing circumstances. We hate social awkwardness and do our best not to offend or offend anyone. If our social control is poorly developed, then we are guided only by our own urges and desires.
Instead of trying with all your might to make the world understand who we are, try to first understand how he sees you, and only then become who you want to be. Be sincere, not authentic. If your behavior doesn't match who you want to be, take the time to develop so-called uncharacteristic behavior. For example, if you are an introvert but dream of being the center of attention, be! Practice public speaking, learn to deal with fears, be the best version of yourself.
It will definitely work. So the next time someone you know is vying to advise you to be yourself, stop them. In fact, the world is not interested in what is in your head. For him, you are valuable only when your actions do not disagree with the words.
