Aggression is not an emotion in and of itself. This is a consequence of another emotion - the so-called frustration (irritation), which is basic. A person gets annoyed when something does not work, looks or does not go the way he would like. Without even realizing the reasons for his irritation, the person is already ready to attack. To attack, to attack with reproaches, to attack with accusations, to pour out anger - this is what an aggressor does in a state of frustration. At the same time, he does not care who his aggression is directed at, it can be a completely outsider or, on the contrary, close, but turned up under a hot hand. What to do? How to respond to aggression?
Instructions
Step 1
Take a short break after an aggressive attack. Just be present with the aggressor and keep the situation under control. It happens that a few moments are enough to adequately assess what happened and think about a worthy answer, as well as your further behavior.
Step 2
Do not respond with aggression to aggression, to insult with an insult. And the point is not even that it is not worth stopping to the level of the aggressor, you just risk not emerging from this verbal squabble as a winner, because, most likely, your unrestrained opponent has a much richer experience as an attacker than yours.
Step 3
Try to agree with the aggressor about everything he accuses you of. Moreover, take all his attacks as good advice. Nod, assent. Usually this discourages the boor, and he slows down. Use a polite tone. The attacker will soon notice that you are not becoming like him, do not shout back and do not splutter, his ardor will quickly pass.
Step 4
Take a closer look - isn't it an energetic vampire in front of you? With this, just let him bring the person to white heat, answering cries, tears and sobs. They, in fact, are waiting for this. This is a victory for them. Indeed, with irritation, crying and screaming, your energy channels open, and then the aggressor calmly pumps life-giving energy out of you through them. You, in the end, succumb to tears and injustice directed at you, and the vampire at this time is already serene and enjoying life. Conclusion: do not allow yourself to be driven to hysterics and irritation.
Step 5
Do not ask the aggressor in indignation: “By what right do you shout at me? How dare you ?! " Do not expect that he will hear your appeals, no, he is all in his emotions. It is impossible to get it out of there with such appeals. Put the question differently: “What are you upset about? Something is wrong? Let's figure it out together. " Focus your attention not on the attacker's behavior, but on his state of frustration, i.e. due to his irritation.
Step 6
Do not be afraid of the aggressor. As a rule, it is only scary in appearance. Remember the behavior of the dogs. The one that barks loudly and viciously will never bite. And if it does bite, then only if it feels or sees your fear and defenselessness. People are essentially the same animals, especially in a state of aggression. Drive the expressions of resignation and fear from your face, do not shake, do not tremble, demonstrate calmness and even boredom. The attacker quickly wilts. Well, or he will direct his aggression in a different direction (throw down the plate, tear the newspaper, kick the door - it will be discharged) and will soon subside.
Step 7
Get out of the place of the conflict. Leave the aggressor. Not picturesquely, not theatrically, without slamming the door, but simply, in English, i.e. silently and without building up offended virtue. Usually the aggressors are quick-witted. Your further actions depend on your decision - whether to pretend that nothing happened (then wait for a repetition of such excesses), or to offer to sit down in a row and talk well, i.e. calmly discuss the problem.
